#humor

"I'm glad mushrooms are against the law, because I took them one time, and you know what happened to me? I laid in a field of green grass for four hours going, "My God! I love everything."Yeah, now if that isn't a hazard to our country … how are we gonna justify arms dealing when we realize that we're all one?"

"Some people say, “Never let them see you cry.” I say, if you’re so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone."

"I had eggs for breakfast. I ate them off the hood of a politician’s car, after I threw them there."

"This morning my girlfriend was so loud in bed that we woke up the neighbors. So I told them to roll over and go back to sleep."

"Earth is sad, Moon is shy, Sun is happy but wait a moment, I just forgot to tell you that I am the child of open sky."

"Sebastian just smiled. “I could hear your heart beating,” he said softly. “When you were watching me with Valentine. Did it bother you?”“That you seem to be dating my dad?” Jace shrugged. "You’re a little young for him, to be honest.”“What?” For the first time since Jace had met him, Sebastian seemed flabbergasted."

"Though my skull is the size of a soup bowl, everything in the universe—and more—can fit inside my imagination. And guess what? My imagination tastes like chicken noodle soup."

"Humor has been the balm of my life, but it's been reserved for those close to me, not part of the public Lana."

"First Things First "Where are you?"is the voice of God."Who am I?"is the voice of your soul.You can't answer Goduntil you answer yourself.Before you come out of hiding,find your identity and your purpose."

"He had a new girl, and I told him she looked like Marilyn Monroe. He smiled because he thought I meant she was beautiful, and I smiled because I meant she looked like a corpse."

"You and I have a love so secret that not even you know about it. But first, let me introduce myself."

"There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers."

"Everything I’ve ever done, ever thought, ever experienced, and ever felt, has led me up to this moment in my life. And after accumulating and culminating it, all I can say is, “Ahhhhh!"

"Love's a Sacred Vessel [10w] Love's the sacred vessel embracing the mystical energy of evolution."

"What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing myself. Am I the ideal leader? Let’s just say that if I were running for political office, I know who I’d vote for—twice."

"This is my knife. It is very sharp and very eager to hurt you."

"Three be the things I shall never attain: Envy, content, and sufficient champagne."

"This is Annabeth,” Jason said. “Uh, normally she doesn't judo-flip people."

"Speak in French when you can’t think of the English for a thing--turn your toes out when you walk---And remember who you are!"

"I called his broken promise heartbreaking, and he called it growing up. Oh, that’s mature—blame it on maturity."