#humor

"She was the most wonderful woman for prowling about the house. How she got from one story to another was a mystery beyond solution. A lady so decorous in herself, and so highly connected, was not to be suspected of dropping over the banisters or sliding down them, yet her extraordinary facility of locomotion suggested the wild idea."

"Soup [10w] Never marry anyone who eats their soup with a ladle."

"So many books, so little time."

"All I do is lie, and that has made me immune to compliments."

"The only way a woman can ever reform a man is by boring him so completely that he loses all possible interest in life."

"Tarzan-like men are my weakness, apparently."

"I can tell if two people are in love by how they hold each other’s hands, and how thick their sanitation gloves are."

"Great, tell me when you've defeated Voldemort for me, will you?"

"My feet are dense with dance. I move like I’m wearing concrete boots and I’m trying to tread water. If the music is salsa, I may start gargling."

"I’ll convert a school desk into a tricycle, because how else am I supposed to learn to love? It’s not like baseball gloves are very effective oven mitts."

"Grease [10w] Relationships between people are rarely frictionless;they all need grease."

"Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer."

"It's impossible to walk through solid rock... You have to walk between the molecules that make up the rock."

"My soul left my body, and my body left my clothes and went streaking through the streets."

"What you see is what you see"

"I used my history degree about twice a year whether I needed to or not."

"I thought I'd lie on the floor and writhe in pain for a while,"he grunted, "It relaxes me.""It does? Oh - you're being sarcastic. That's a good sign probably."

"Women should have nipples on their butts. From a design perspective, I think it would revolutionize the fashion industry."

"I am not absentminded. It is the presence of mind that makes me unaware of everything else."

"I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?"