#humor

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder, until it stops beating. Getting ripped out of the chest tends to have that effect."

"New York City [10w] + [10w] + {Couplet} In fast-paced New York Cityeven the bubbling brooks babble.The Hudson and East River run rabid,skirting the rabble"

"Unfriend Politeley Means"

"have i gone mad?im afraid so, but let me tell you something, the best people usualy are."

"All the time you're saying to yourself, 'I could do that, but I won't,' — which is just another way of saying that you can't."

"When I grow up, I'd like to be dangerous."

"Don't look at me in that tone of voice."

"Harry, don't go picking a row with Malfoy, don't forget, he's a prefect now, he could make life difficult for you...""Wow, I wonder what it'd be like to have a difficult life?"said Harry sarcastically."

"I’m taller in tolerance than I am in height. Barely. I’m only 6’3, so I apologize for not being more understanding."

"Death: "THERE ARE BETTER THINGS IN THE WORLD THAN ALCOHOL, ALBERT."Albert: "Oh, yes, sir. But alcohol sort of compensates for not getting them."

"I have the superhero gift of invisibility. I must be invisible, because the woman I love doesn’t see me. I might as well be into Helen Keller."

"Lend me your ears and you can borrow my mind"

"Dance in the rain, follow the path of lovely lanes, you are what you always wanted to be, so chill out, dear friend!"

"Death, taxes and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."

"I like to call in sick to work at places where I’ve never held a job. Then when the manager tells me I don’t work there, I tell them I’d like to. But not today, as I’m sick."

"How do new watches catch up with old watches that have had more time to get a head start? This is what I pondered while I waited on her to fall in love with me."

"I had a dream about you. I told you I loved you, and you stopped folding clothes, turned to look me in my eyes, and replied, “The cat food on the moon is probably all dry.” Then I started crying, because up until that point I had no idea that I meant that much to you and I was overjoyed with raw emotion."

"Wheels of Change Discontentment is the wheels of change.You can either add some grease to bring about change faster,or run in front of them in protest,and be crushed by them."

"The French have a new president, the British will soon have a new P.M., and we envy them as we endure the endless wait for this small dim man to go back to Texas and resume his life."

"How to Get Girls into Bed When I take a new girl out on a dateI tell them I slipped poison into their wineand the antidote is on my penis."