#humor

"I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened."

"Because you can't argue with all the fools in the world. It's easier to let them have their way, then trick them when they're not paying attention."

"Marriage Advice [10w] Marry a man above youand a woman beneath you."

"I’m a master of encouragement. Why should I do work myself when the price of getting others to do it for me is as cheap as cheering them on?"

"It's the idea that people living close to nature tend to be noble. It's seeing all those sunsets that does it. You can't watch a sunset and then go off and set fire to your neighbor's tepee. Living close to nature is wonderful for your mental health."

"Accurs'd McDonalds, I Bite my Thumb at Thee! {Couplet} Let vex'd heavens rant and rage,This here McNigga slave ain't workin' for no McMinimum wage."

"There are two motives for reading a book; one, that you enjoy it; the other, that you can boast about it."

"If you were me, then I'd be you, and if I were you, then I'd hide somewhere far away."

"Jessica, you are a pain in the arse, do you know that? If I were not so immensely fond of you, I should throw you out the window."She wrapped her arms about his waist and laid her head against his chest. "Not merely 'fond,' but 'immensely fond.' Oh Dain, I do believe I shall swoon.""Not now,"he said crossly. "I haven't time to pick you up."

"We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are."

"Six Minus Three Degrees of Stupidation [10w] Three degrees of stupid:stupidstupid squaredstupid stupid stupid"

"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so?There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."

"If I found 20 dollars on the ground, I’d be willing to bet I’d find someone in desperate need of money that I could give it to. And I’d bet 20 dollars, so even after finding and giving away 20 dollars, I’d have made 20 dollars."

"I like Dancing of Indian girls more than my parents’ prayers . Because they dance with love and passion . But my parents just say their prayers because they got used to it ."

"Dawn is meant for Lovers. And so is dusk and anytime in between. Count me in. And out. In, out, in, out, and I just came, I saw, I conked out.-Amanda Mosher and Jarod Kintz"

"Poirot,"I said. "I have been thinking.""An admirable exercise my friend. Continue it."

"My love is like the shape your mouth makes while you whistle. Would you mind if I accompanied you on my harmonica?"

"Murphy hung up and I said, to the still-open line, "Hey, if you've got someone watching my place, could you call the cops if anyone tries to steal my Star Wars poster? It's an original."Then I vindictively hung up on the FBI. It made my inner child happy."

"Soap?""School of America in Paris"he explains. "SOAP".Nice. My father sent me here to be cleansed."

"Tessa: I won't know if I like it until I try it, will I?"Will: "I've never swum naked in the Thames, but I know I wouldn't like it.""But think how entertaining for sightseers,"said Tessa, and she saw Jem duck his head to hide the quick flash of his grin."