#humor

"I'd never met coffee that wasn't wonderful. It was just a matter of how wonderful it was."

"I want to hire someone to stand outside my door and knock three times, with each knock being three years apart. At the end of the nine years I’ll reply, “Who is it?” And without delay or reply, the person on the other side of the door is to find a new job."

"Pedestals [10w] People should not be placed on pedestals unless they're stuffed."

"I have liquid lips, and my kisses are smooth as wine. Why pour you a glass when you can drink from the bottle?"

"Artemis felt like he was six again and caught hacking the school computers trying to make the test questions harder"

"You’ll drown in my love story, if I ever write it using a fountain pen."

"Oh Tigger, where are your manners?""I don’t know, but I bet they’re having more fun than I am."

"How're we getting to King's Cross tomorrow, Dad?"asked Fred as they dug into a sumptuous pudding."The Ministry's providing a couple of cars,"said Mr. Weasley.Everyone looked up at him."Why?"said Percy curiously."It's because of you, Perce,"said George seriously. "And there'll be little flags on the hoods, with HB on them-""-for Humongous Bighead,"said Fred."

"If I gave you a pity position it wouldn't be in my office."

"Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups."

"Immortality [10w] True immortality means you've created something that will outlive you."

"We're taught that in life, we should try to look on the bright side. Not in this case. In this case, assume rejection first. Assume you're the rule, not the exception. It's liberating. But we also know it's not an easy concept. -He's not just into you"

"I’ve had a tense couple of days. And I’ve got to tell you, burning someone’s face off sounds like a great way to relax."

"Is it better to be feared or loved? Loved, because people associate with you because they want to, not because they need to. We need to eat beets, but we want to eat cake. Be the cake of the world."

"Hide things everywhere. Forget about them. Find them randomly and feel surprised like a pirate finding buried treasure. Avoid scurvy. Love more."

"I cannot speak well enough to be unintelligible."

"A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory."

"Grateful [10w] + [10w] If you can't think of anything you should be grateful for,think that you can think and be grateful for that."

"You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time."

"A Real Passionate Kiss Should Feel Like Dying [10w] Like ice melting into water coming to a rolling boil."