#humor

"Don't run I never liked fast food"

"Love is a Gamble [10w] Love's a gamble ~ better lose than never spin the wheel."

"the [coat] rack above his head like a javelin.On the other side of the door was Jace. He blinked. "Is that a coatrack?"Jordan slammed the coatrack down on the ground and sighed. "If you'd been a vampire, this would have been a lot more useful.""Yes,"said Jace. "Or, you know, just someone with a lot of coats."

"I meet people to know I’m not alone. I network like an astronaut on the moon."

"We spend money that we do not have, on things we do not need, to impress people who do not care."

"The Refugee I packed my car with cash and valuablesand headed for the border.At the first checkpoint they took my cash.At the second they took my valuables.At the border they took my car and my shoes.I walked barefoot the last 100 feet to freedom,and was greeted with open arms by a person I didn't recognize.In time I discovered that strangerwas the me they could not take from me."

"It is perfectly monstrous,' he said, at last, 'the way people go about nowadays saying things against one behind one's back that are absolutely and entirely true."

"You see, that is the sad, sorry, terrible thing about sarcasm.It's really funny."

"Scientific Discovery [10w] The greatest scientific discoveries were madelooking at the overlooked."

"And I, Nephi, took one of the daughters of Ishmael to wife.' Well Mr. Go-And-Do just went and did!"

"We're taught that in life, we should try to look on the bright side. Not in this case. In this case, assume rejection first. Assume you're the rule, not the exception. It's liberating. But we also know it's not an easy concept. -He's not just into you"

"How're we getting to King's Cross tomorrow, Dad?"asked Fred as they dug into a sumptuous pudding."The Ministry's providing a couple of cars,"said Mr. Weasley.Everyone looked up at him."Why?"said Percy curiously."It's because of you, Perce,"said George seriously. "And there'll be little flags on the hoods, with HB on them-""-for Humongous Bighead,"said Fred."

"I wish the military were the militerary. Less fighting and more reading."

"People have an annoying habit of remembering things they shouldn't."

"Let’s be romantic and dance in the rain. I’ll prove my feelings for you by bringing an umbrella, because I’m drowning in my love for you."

"The Sound of Killing [10w] + [10w] A doe, a deer, a femaledeerin my headlights.A doe, a deer, a femaledeeron my sunroof."

"Objective Journalism Foreign journalists will always compromise objectivity to preserve relationships that give them better access."

"By the Angel,"Jace said, looking the demon up and down. "I knew Greater Demons were meant to be ugly, but no one ever warned me about the smell."Abbadon opened its mouth and hissed. Inside its mouth were two rows of jagged glass-sharp teeth."I'm not sure about this wind and howling darkness business,"Jace went on, "smells more like landfill to me. You sure you're not from Staten Island?"

"Hey!” I said, indignation filling me. “I’m immortal! Doesn’t that mean I won’t get saggy boobs and gray hair? Because if it doesn’t mean that, I want a refund—"

"I had a dream about you. I said green was blue and yellow, and you said green was yellow and blue. You were like that with everything I said, taking the exact opposite stance, yet completely agreeing with me. That’s how I knew you loved me."