#humor

"Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic."

"Jesus Christ Hiaku Jesus Christget a job already.You're killing your mother!"

"I suppose I'll have to add the force of gravity to my list of enemies."

"Name the different kinds of people,’ said Miss Lupescu. ‘Now.’Bod thought for a moment. ‘The living,’ he said. ‘Er. The dead.’ He stopped. Then, ‘... Cats?’ he offered, uncertainly."

"What are all these?"Clary asked."Vials of holy water, blessed knives, steel and silver blades,"Jace said, piling the weapons on the floor beside him, "electrum wire - not much use at the moment but it's always good to have spares - silver bullets, charms of protetion, crucifixes, stars of David-""Jesus,"said Clary"I doubt he'd fit.""Jace."Clary was appalled."

"My Sweet Home, Alabama If it grows, it sticks, if it crawls, it bites,if it's outside, it rusts,if it's ornery, it fights,if it's a dawg, it barks.if its a possum, it feignsif it's a buggy, it squeals,if it's winter, it's summer,If it's slimy, it's eels.If it ain't Dixie, it won't do,so let's fix to get piss drunkand lynch us another nigger and Jew."

"It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself."

"I only know everything if you ask the right questions."

"Ringtones Haiku 'Oy! Dai, da-ye-nu,Dai, da-ye-nu, Dai, da-ye-nu...'"Answer your fucking phone!"

"Touch her, and I'll freeze your testicles off and put them in a jar. Understand?"

"Rae burned me. She has matches or something. Look, look..."Tori pulled down the collar of her T-shirt. "Leave your cloths on, Tori,"Simon said, raising his hands to his eyes. "Please."

"Most people go to networking events to gain visibility. But in a crowded room, I’m trying to figure out how to become invisible. I network like the ghost of a chameleon."

"He said he wanted to trade lives with me, saying he wanted what I have. He must want for nothing, because that’s exactly what I have."

"We're not retreating, we're advancing in reverse.' --Skulduggery Pleasant"

"Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do."

"When tragedy hits close to home, like your neighbor’s house, it really makes you stop and think. And while you’re thinking, I’ll be speeding off in the getaway car."

"Believe me, It would be better if we didn't meet again. Go back to school. Go back to your life. And next time they ask you, say no. Killing is for grown-ups and you're still a child."

"Stop!"Narcissus got to his feet. "This is not right! This person is obviously not awesome, so he must be..."He struggled for the right words. It had probably been a long time since he'd talked about anything other than himself. "He must be tricking us."Apparently Narcissus wasn't completely stupid."

"I wouldn’t advise making a four-year commitment to eventually land an $8.00/hour job. Skip college. Read Wikipedia for free instead."

"He studied my appearance carefully. “You cut your hair.” “Yes. Do you like it?” “That depends. How long is it?” I pulled a curl down and showed him it ended just past my shoulder. He grunted, “That’s still long enough, so I like it.” “Long enough for what?” “Long enough for a man to run his hands through."