#humor

"Comfort Zone Your comfort zone has a clock on it, ticking off until it becomes your death zone."

"Gifts Never look a gift horse in the assor a donkey in the mouth."

"If pain is a pot of boiling water, humor can be the rising steam."

"He's around the twist,' said Azalea. 'Breaking all the windows? He's mad.''Ah, no,' said the King. 'It's only madness if you actually do it. If you want to break all the windows in the house and drown yourself in a bucket but don't actually do it, well, that's love."

"The most temptation I'd experienced had been with Tomas, the Senate's spy who had been feeding off me without permission, and Mircea, who was probably plotting some nefarious scheme. I have no taste in men."

"Talented [10w] Being called talented brings with it more hatred than applause."

"Emergency dance party--go away."

"Rae burned me. She has matches or something. Look, look..."Tori pulled down the collar of her T-shirt. "Leave your cloths on, Tori,"Simon said, raising his hands to his eyes. "Please."

"I hate the smell of success, because most of the time it smells like sweat. Maybe that’s why I’m poor, because every pore on my body is dry."

"Do you know the difference between education and experience? Education is when you read the fine print; experience is what you get when you don't."

"Everything here is edible; even I'm edible. But that, dear children, is cannibalism, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies."

"Self-Contempt [10w] Self-contempt is calling yourself collect and refusing to accept the charges."

"I want to be the first and second man to dance on the moon. No, I won’t moonwalk. But I will Cha Cha—with my clone."

"Russian, Umerzhurnalistka Someone who too many questions for his own good. Literally, 'Dead journalist'."

"Humble Wishes [10w] "God, all I simply ask is that I become perfect."

"Love is like a portable lamp/sex toy. The world calls those flashlights, but I’m much more romantic."

"Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love."

"Go with your Gut Our eyes, our mind plays tricks.Our love muscle, our heartchooses blindly and impulsively.But our gut,ahh, our gut,always makes the wise choice ~and goes straight for the burning hot pocketsfresh out of the microwavebecause our mouthsahh, our mouths,never needed a roof in the first place."

"You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat."

"When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy."