Jarod Kintz, At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

"It’s not: I jumped in, and it was cold. No. It was cold, and I jumped in. Always arrange a sentence so you appear to be fearless, when in fact you are far less than fearless—you are clueless."

"It’s not: I jumped in, and it was cold. No. It was cold, and I jumped in. Always arrange a sentence so you appear to be fearless, when in fact you are far less than fearless—you are clueless."

"When push comes to shove, I’m going to figure out that this door needs to be pulled to be opened."

"My skull is soundproof. And thank God too, or else you’d be able to hear all the horrible things I’m thinking about you."

"I wouldn’t even be the “world’s sexiest man” if the planet were populated entirely by my clones."

"Webster’s—the original high definition entertainment."

"Would women find vampires even sexier and more romantic if instead of fangs they had rose thorns? It’s thoughts like these I think of when digging in my garden, looking for my one true love (If only I could remember where I buried her!)."

"She asked me if I was seeing anybody else, and I said, No, the other woman is invisible."

"At first sign of crisis, the ignorant don’t panic because they don’t know what’s going on, and then later they panic precisely because they don’t know what’s going on."

"Webster’s—the original high definition entertainment."

"I removed all the doors to our love, so you can’t lock yourself away from me. But I didn’t stop there. I also replaced the doors with metal detectors, so I could fondle you more efficiently, like the highly trained professionals do who run airport security."

"She asked me if I was seeing anybody else, and I said, No, the other woman is invisible."

"Only the living can read. This means that when I write, my target market is people of the future. Greetings, people of the moon!"

"This is what I believe to be the progress of a writer. You write 10 things, of which one of them will be great. You then write 11 things, of which two of them will be great. Then you write 12 things, of which four of them will be great. Then you write 13 things, of which eight of them will be great. Finally you write 14 things, of which 16 of those 14 things will be great."

"Insider trading is a serious crime. Do you know what the penalty for doing it is? Nothing, if you’re a member of Congress."

"I love running. I’m not into marathons, but I am into avoiding problems at an accelerated rate."

"I want a 100% kind of relationship, and I’m willing to give it 50%."

"At first sign of crisis, the ignorant don’t panic because they don’t know what’s going on, and then later they panic precisely because they don’t know what’s going on."

"The decision to empty my mind was a no-brainer."

"Only the living can read. This means that when I write, my target market is people of the future. Greetings, people of the moon!"