"At first sign of crisis, the ignorant don’t panic because they don’t know what’s going on, and then later they panic precisely because they don’t know what’s going on."
JA
Jarod Kintz, At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.
77 quotes
Quotes by Jarod Kintz, At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.
"Some people say—not to my face, mind you—that I’m a cowardly son of a bitch. And that is simply not true. My mom is not a bitch."
"When I found him lying in the ditch holding a shovel, I thought he was sleeping on the job. Turns out he was being even lazier, and he was in fact dead."
"The canvas isn’t empty. It’s full of whatever you imagine it to be full of. My art is so conceptual that not only do I not tell, but I don’t even show. All I do is sign the canvas and try to sell it."
"You just tell me when and where, and not only will I not be there, but I’ll also be late."
"Respect doesn’t have to be shiny. It just needs to be wearable. Would you be so kind as to hold my jockstrap while I stir your hot coffee?"
"At first sign of crisis, the ignorant don’t panic because they don’t know what’s going on, and then later they panic precisely because they don’t know what’s going on."
"One thing I often get carried away with is piggyback rides."
"Do I attribute my success to hard work, or sunscreen? If you want the truth, maybe you should ask my new albino secretary."
"God ordered the world and all things in it, and I ordered a pizza and all things on it."
"When push comes to shove, I’m going to figure out that this door needs to be pulled to be opened."
"Would women find vampires even sexier and more romantic if instead of fangs they had rose thorns? It’s thoughts like these I think of when digging in my garden, looking for my one true love (If only I could remember where I buried her!)."
"God ordered the world and all things in it, and I ordered a pizza and all things on it."
"I saw him do a No More Potatoes Dance, after he saw me stuff the last of the mashed potatoes in my pocket."
"I wouldn’t even be the “world’s sexiest man” if the planet were populated entirely by my clones."
"Only the living can read. This means that when I write, my target market is people of the future. Greetings, people of the moon!"
"Would women find vampires even sexier and more romantic if instead of fangs they had rose thorns? It’s thoughts like these I think of when digging in my garden, looking for my one true love (If only I could remember where I buried her!)."
"I believe I believe I can succeed, and this belief is the foundation for my belief."
"Too bad Americans can’t export Awesome, because I have boxes and boxes of the stuff just lying around in my attic."
"The canvas isn’t empty. It’s full of whatever you imagine it to be full of. My art is so conceptual that not only do I not tell, but I don’t even show. All I do is sign the canvas and try to sell it."