humor

"I read the fuck out of every book I can get my hands on."

"Yes, men are pigs. Except your brother, of course. He's actually a decent human being. Almost a woman.-Jillian's mother"

"I’m the Director of Redundancy. I’m also the Director. I make love like I make love, and that is why I am the Director of Redundancy."

"Would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?"

"If you're right & I'm not, I'm going to be hell to live with, she said. So, you better think about that next time you want to be right."

"Accidental sex. He made it sound like I fell down, and there just happened to be an erection in the way."

"What's up?"I asked.You tell me,"he said. "You were the one about ready to start making out with Adrian."It was an experiment,"I said. "It was part of my therapy."What the hell kind of therapy are you in?"

"Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life."

"Buttercup's mother whirled on him. 'Did you forget to pay your taxes?' (This was after taxes. But everything is after taxes. Taxes were here even before stew.)"

"I want to say something so embarrassing about September that even the leaves start blushing and turning red."

"Roosevelt's humor was broad, his manner friendly. Of wit there was little; of philosophy, none. What did he possess? Intuition, inspiration, love of adventure."

"You live but once; you might as well be amusing."

"Disappointment came to me,and booted me,and bruised and hurt me,but that's how people grow up."

"Rock Hudson wasn't my type. He's a great guy and had a great sense of humor."

"A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road."

"It'd Be a Lot Cooler If You Did."

"Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do."

"You know your Lamborghini is on fire, right?"

"They're book addicts."

"Texas humor and Southern humor are pretty similar."