humor

"Instead of a Lemonade Stand, I should open up a “You know what I can’t stand?” Stand. I’ll sell rants in small, medium, and large."

"Shee, you guys are so unhip it's a wonder your bums don't fall off."

"Housework can kill you if done right."

"Last weekend I went out of my comfort zone to go hang out with people I’d only heard about, and I met one new person who turned out to be a very valuable contact. I should try networking at my family reunions more often, because that’s how I finally met my dad."

"Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way."

"Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it."

"An alcoholic is someone you don't like, who drinks as much as you do."

"I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarius and we’re skeptical."

"2 out of 4 numbers prefer being in the bottom 50 percent. Half of all lovers also prefer being on the bottom."

"Probably it is impossible for humor to be ever a revolutionary weapon. Candide can do little more than generate irony."

"I'm a big fan of independent girls who are strong-willed, vocal in their opinions, and have a sense of humor."

"Popularity's a weird thing. You can't really define it, and it's not cool to talk about, but you know it when you see it. Like a lazy eye, or porn."

"I compare Stephen Sondheim with humor, because humor is unanalyzable. You can't analyze humor. You just have to get through it."

"The most enjoyable book in the world is the phone book, because think of all the sex that went into creating the content."

"If you want to catch beasts you don't see every day,You have to go places quite out of the way,You have to go places no others can get to.You have to get cold and you have too get wet, too."

"Truth would quickly cease to be stranger than fiction, once we got as used to it."

"Of all the trees we could've hit, we had to get one that hits back."

"Yes, my tiara sets off the whole thing nicely,"said Auntie Muriel in a rather carrying whisper. "But I must say, Ginevra's dress is far too low-cut."Ginny glanced round, grinning, winked at Harry, then quickly faced the front again."

"He looked back at her, and when she saw the look on his face, she saw his eyes at Renwick’s, when he had watched the Portal that separated him from his home shatter into a thousand irretrievable pieces. He held her gaze for a split second, then looked away from her, the muscles in his throat working."

"Get there early because hope does not park your mother-fucking car."