humor

"Standing in the kitchen when you’re hungry is torture. That’s why I moved my fridge to my dungeon, where I keep the prisoners."

"Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose."

"My point is, life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The pina and the colada."

"You used nunchucks on a moose?"Wolfe got a haunted look in his eyes. "I used all sorts of things on that bastard."

""Don't be scared of Bambi"the demon said. "She's only curious and maybe a little bit hungry."The thing was named Bambi?Oh, my God, the thing stared at me like it wanted to eat me."

"A passport, as I'm sure you know, is a document that one shows to government officials whenever one reaches a border between two countries, so that the official can learn who you are, where you were born, and how you look when photographed unflatteringly."

"If I behave as though this is a completely normal situation, then maybe it will be ..."

"Knees suddenly weak, she reached for his forearms to stabilize herself. “You came for me.”He beamed, looking for all the world like a selfless, daring hero.“Don’t sound so surprised.” Dropping the cane, he pulled her into a crushing embrace that tore her away from Wolf and lifted her clean off the floor. “It turns out you are worth a lot of money on the black market."

"He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more."

"I don’t eat Sloppy Joes. I eat Tidy Josephs."

"My fam is just a regular family. But all of them have great senses of humor."

"I have nothing to declare except my genius."

"I'm sure I'll feel much more grateful when I find a guy who thinks complex wiring in a girl is a turn-on."

"I watched the leaves change colors, and I thought, “People do that too. Their hair changes color as they age.” I remember that as my grandpa got older, his hair went from green to yellow to red, like a traffic light, only with slightly less honking."

"When I win, it’s because I’m skilled. When I lose, it’s because my opponent is lucky. But when I fall in love, it’s because I’m lucky and she’s skilled."

"You forget what you want to remember, and you remember what you want to forget."

"I suppose it’s not a social norm, and not a manly thing to do — to feel, discuss feelings. So that’s what I’m giving the finger to. Social norms and stuff…what good are social norms, really? I think all they do is project a limited and harmful image of people. It thus impedes a broader social acceptance of what someone, or a group of people, might actually be like."

"Garcia wondered why people with JESUS stickers on their bumper always drove twenty miles per hour under the speed limit. If God was my co-pilot, he thought, I'd be doing a hundred and twenty."

"Bite me, Harry Potter."

"...I doubt very seriously whether anyone will hire me.'What do you mean, babe? You a fine boy with a good education.'Employers sense in me a denial of their values.' He rolled over onto his back. 'They fear me. I suspect that they can see that I am forced to function in a century I loathe. This was true even when I worked for the New Orleans Public Library."