humor

"Because sometimes you just have to dance like a madman in the Self-Help section of your local bookstore."

"I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead."

"The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated."

"I think the humor of double puns is incredible."

"When jumping is the sole option, you jump, and try to make it work."

"The difference between a karate chop and a high five is the same as the difference between a knife and a paddle. My love can slice like a piece of pizza."

"If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings."

"As much as I want to make love to you, I’d rather make love to your clone."

"A diary with no drawings of me in it? Where are the torrid fantasies? The romance covers?"

"Throw in the humor, throw in that personality, try things you wouldn't normally try."

"The goodbad news is she only stole half. The badgood news is she stole half. And when it’s love that’s been stolen, a hole the size of half your heart feels like the whole thing has been taken."

"The biggest void that people can have in their lives is a sense of humor. Spending your life with someone who doesn't have that wouldn't be palatable."

"Love is what you make it. Unfortunately, I can’t make it today, as I have a doctor’s appointment."

"I used to sell hellos by the wave until I found out Dark Jar Tin Zoo was reselling them on eBay as goodbyes. Now I’m a yawn distributor."

"One glance and I knew exactly who and what he was. The classic alpha male, the kind who had spurred evolution forward about five million years ago by nailing every female in sight. They charmed, seduced, and behaved like bastards, and yet women were biologically incapable of resisting their magic DNA."

"With humor, it's so subjective that trying to think of what the ideal reader would think would drive you crazy."

"Humor is the first of the gifts to perish in a foreign tongue."

"As far as I'm concerned, if something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway."

"The human body is the best work of art."

"The planet is fine. The people are fucked."