humor

"Even on the most solemn occasions I got away without wearing socks and hid that lack of civilization in high boots"

"Bands from Akron have a sense of humor and don't tend to take themselves too seriously."

"What if guns shot clouds, rather than bullets? Then they’d not only be peaceful, but they’d be delayed water guns. Is there a Nobel Farm Prize?"

"For some stories, it's easy. The moral of 'The Three Bears,' for instance, is "Never break into someone else's house.' The moral of 'Snow White' is 'Never eat apples.' The moral of World War I is 'Never assassinate Archduke Ferdinand."

"My sense of humor is a turkey, and I pull it out of the oven and baste it in reality."

"I don’t want to develop—I want to evelop, because it’s more positive. Similarly, would you rather your love evolve or devolve? That’s why if you need me, I’ll be on the sofa trying to evelop myself as a person."

"In Buddhism, they say attachment to anything only leads to suffering. So when we laugh, it's our way of saying, 'I'm unattached to that.' You're tickled by it, it makes your lobes do something on their own. So humor is very important to me. I always take that to the stage first."

"The truth is, every son raised by a single mom is pretty much born married. I don't know, but until your mom dies it seems like all the other women in your life can never be more than just your mistress."

"Adventures are never fun while you're having them."

"Wit and playfulness represent a desperately serious transcendence of evil. Humor is both a form of wisdom and a means of survival."

"Insult is powerful. Insult begets both rage and humor and often at the same time."

"The lack of money is the root of all evil."

"Fine! I'll throw on some clothes. Turn around. I'm in my pj's""I'm a guy. That's like asking a kid not to glance at the candy counter."

"Women, as they grow older, rely more and more on cosmetics. Men, as they grow older, rely more and more on a sense of humor."

"I'm too young, too smart and too good-looking to die."

"Humor reminds you, when you're flattened by sorrow, that you're still human."

"Everything here is edible; even I'm edible. But that, dear children, is cannibalism, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies."

"I'm tough, I'm ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay."

"Great earrings would be little speakers, so she can hear better. Or maybe she just wasn’t listening all those times I told her I loved her."

"A dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it."