humor

"I am often the brunt of my own humor."

"If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?"

"The trouble is you can shut your eyes but you can’t shut your mind."

"There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva"

"My humor had changed from foolishness to making sense."

"There are these two young fish swimming along and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says "Morning, boys. How's the water?"And the two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and goes "What the hell is water?"

"For the most part, comedians are pretty friendly with each other. They always say they badmouth each other, but most of the time, they're friends. We're the only ones that can really stand our type of humor."

"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die."

"She said she loved me, and I didn’t believe it for a minute. Maybe 59 seconds, but not a whole minute. I may be gullible, but I’m not without an accurate way to measure time."

"[My mom's] funny that way, celebrating special occasions with blue food. I think it's her way of saying anything is possible. Percy can pass seventh grade. Waffles can be blue. Little miracles like that."

"My dad used to say that life's a journey, but somebody screwed up and lost the map."

"Having a sense of humor has served me more than it has hurt me - just in the sense that it has allowed me to keep my sanity."

"No one believes you’re serious until bodies start to fall. -Vlad"

"Nice dress. Take it off."

"Some people try to change the world one life at a time. Others try to change the world one death at a time. And I try to change the world one bucket full of dirt at a time."

"Humor and laughter - not necessarily derogatory derision - are my pet tools. This may come from my general philosophy of never taking the world too seriously - for fear of dying of boredom."

"Our love, that’s real. Our currency, the dollar, that’s imaginary. Invest in us, and I promise you that you won’t lose your life’s savings."

"I'm not a traditional politician, and I have a sense of humor. I'll try to soften it and become boring, maybe even very boring, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to."

"Leo had seen Tia Callida in action; she liked knives, snakes and putting babies in roaring fires. Yeah, definitely let's unleash her rage. Great idea."

"This is a mournful discovery.1)Those who agree with you are insane2)Those who do not agree with you are in power."