humor

"I like to call in sick to work at places where I’ve never held a job. Then when the manager tells me I don’t work there, I tell them I’d like to. But not today, as I’m sick."

"I actually like how doctors talk. I like the sound of science. I like how words you don't understand explain things you can't understand."

"There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating: people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing."

"What doesn't kill us makes us funnier."

"I always look like I’m lying. I was born with a politician’s face. You’ll know I’m in love when I have a Vote For Me look in my eyes."

"Just because you call an electric eel a rubber duck doesn't make it a rubber duck, does it? And God help the poor bastard who decides they want to take a bath with the duckie. (Jace Wayland)"

"I’ve got a nice racket going. I make tennis ball swatters. My favorite score is love all. That’s also how I live my life."

"Women don't want all that. Women just want a partner who is considerate and attentive, who will spoon with them while reciting Keats, and feed them organic yogurt by candlelight on a seaside cliff at sunset."

"They say you don't want to meet your heroes, but those two guys, you do want to meet them, because they do not disappoint. Walken has this amazing sense of humor, and Pacino is like just a sweetheart of a guy."

"She's so small, yet she contains so much evil."

"If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?"

"Creativity is knowing how to hide your sources"

"I have only made this letter longer because I have not had the time to make it shorter."(Letter 16, 1657)"

"If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."

"I thought it sounded a bit like Percy singing... maybe you've got to attack him while he's in the shower, Harry."

"Arthur: If I asked you where the hell we were, would I regret it?Ford: We're safe.Arthur: Oh good.Ford: We're in a small galley cabin in one of the spaceships of the Vogon Constructor Fleet.Arthur: Ah, this is obviously some strange use of the word safe that I wasn't previously aware of."

"Who wants to go down the creepy tunnel inside the tomb first?— Riley Poole"

"Philip Larkin has a tough honesty and sense of humor that I find irresistible, as a contemporary poet."

"Cause I'm Irish, and everyone remembers me."

"One thing I often get carried away with is piggyback rides."