humor

"Brits have a better sense of humor in most ways. It's darker, more cutting."

"The essence of Christianity is told us in the Garden of Eden history. The fruit that was forbidden was on the tree of knowledge. The subtext is, 'All the suffering you have is because you wanted to find out what was going on. You could be in the Garden of Eden if you had just kept your fucking mouth shut and hadn't asked any questions."

"The story so far:In the beginning the Universe was created.This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."

"Puns are a form of humor with words."

"A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory."

"I like grape juice. Fermented grape juice—wine. It’s the drink of choice for champions. I know because I asked a bunch of winners."

"The purpose of this lectchoor is to let you know where we are. We are in the deep cack. It couldn't be worse if it was raining arseholes. Any questions?"

"What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce."

"My rapier wit hides my inner pain."

"No, I really did. I walked into that room and saw the hottest, sexiest guy I've ever seen - wet and half naked. And I said, "Ewww."I know. How am I still single, right?"

"75% of my life is spent wasting time. The other 25% isn’t nearly as productive."

"Fresh is better. But you've never drunk fresh blood. Have you?"Simon raised his eyebrow in response."Well, aside from mine of course,"Jace said. "And I'm pretty sure my blood is fan-tastic."

"Noah shifted on the bed, and the oddest crunching sound came underneath him. I looked, really looked, at the bed for the first time."What,"I asked slowly, as I eyed the animal crackers strewn all over it, "the hell?""You were convinced they were your pets,"Noah said, not even trying to suppress his laughter. "You wouldn't let me touch them."

"Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up."

"I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions."

"Everybody going to be dead one day, just give them time."

"We don't appreciate the value of humor sometimes."

"I’m a book lover. I’ve probably already fucked a whole library."

"You know your Lamborghini is on fire, right?"

"what's your name?"what?"i asked, squinting at the light.your name."I reconized Dr. Olendzki peering over me.you know my name."I want you to tell me."Rose. Rose Hathaway."Do you know your birthday?"Of course I do. Why are you asking me such stupid things? Did you lose my records?"Dr. Olendzki gave an exasperated sigh and walked off, taking the annoying light with her. "I think she's fine,"