humor

"Smiling is definitely one of the best beauty remedies. If you have a good sense of humor and a good approach to life, that's beautiful."

"I have a 12:34 representational time dance. I do it at 3:33 every other Tuesday (twice a day). If you’d like to participate in my choreographed dance routine, bring a football helmet and a half empty can of tuna (keeps the stray cats away, because I perform in a gritty, grimy downtown alley)."

"I hugged him without any kind of fear or self-consciousness, fiercely, with a rush of emotion that almost brought tears to my eyes."I could kiss you!"Chubs cried."Please don't!"I gasp out, feeling his arms tighten around my ribs to the point of cracking them."

"She brews a bruise on my heart, and drinks it like a beer. She calls it love, but she would, because she’s drunk on my torment."

"In eternity there is no time, only an instant long enough for a joke."

"Darwin says people like you need to die.” (Carrow)"

"I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: Oh Lord, make my enemies ridiculous. And God granted it."(Letter to Étienne Noël Damilaville, May 16, 1767)"

"Interviewer: 'So Frank, you have long hair. Does that make you a woman?'Frank Zappa: 'You have a wooden leg. Does that make you a table?"

"V-Day…if you need this one day in a year to show everyone else you truly care for “your loved one” I think it’s quite stupid. I hate this commercialism. It’s all artificial, and has nothing to do with real love."

"I've always had a sick sense of humor, and I've always wanted that to permeate the music because I don't take myself seriously. I take the music seriously, but I know I'm not God's gift to anyone except my mom."

"Let me ask you a question Alex. What do you think is the greatest evil on this plant today?""Is that including, or not including you?"

"Z: "You know, this was a hell of a lot easier when you were out cold in the back of that truck."Phury: "That was you?"Z:"You think it was Santa Claus or some shit?"

"Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do."

"I know all those words, but that sentence makes no sense to me."

"Just give me a second. Attempting to give a fuck...Attempting harder to give a fuck...Sorry, there was an error; fuck not given."

"Mother humor is such a universal theme. I wrote a show called '25 Questions for a Jewish Mother.' I had people coming up to me after the show saying, 'I'm Baptist, and my mother is just like yours.'"

"Me: On time. Love: Late. Death: Early. Seriously, why are you late?"

"Look, if you wanted to be babied you should have asked Peeta."

"I want to be the Everyman and take an IQ test and get a perfect 100."

"As much as I want to make love to you, I’d rather make love to your clone."