#Fish

"I am not eccentric. It's just that I am more alive than most people. I am an unpopular electric eel set in a pond of catfish."

"I love coffee cake, but I would prefer if it were just a little more drinkable. I almost choked while chugging some this morning, and if it weren’t for the fluid nature of clownfish, I might have caught feelings for Hillary using a basketball net."

"I drink like a fish, and I swim in my thirst. I’m so parched for her love that I think I may drown in my desire."

"Using my nipples as bait, I went fishing for compliments. I got a few bites, but nothing to write about in Field & Stream."

"I’ve often wondered why more science textbooks don’t tell teenagers that the only thing sharks like to eat more than fish, are dead prostitutes."

"It is our art that has an opportunity to leave a footprint in the sand. They don't wrap fish in our work."

"Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant."

"They keep saying that sea levels are rising an' all this. It's nowt to do with the icebergs melting, it's because there's too many fish in it. Get rid of some of the fish and the water will drop. Simple. Basic science."

"To catch affection, try being efficient by using a fishing net. You can’t sit back and wait for romance to grow on trees."

"She'd also called me brave...unless she was talking to the catfish."

"When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain."

"Trees shaped like deer should not be ridden like benches if they get stuck up in other trees. No hunting farming allowed. Fishing only."

"I wear a ten-gallon cowboy hat. That’s where I keep my fish tank. When you’re a farmer of love, you’ve always got pink kissers on your mind."

"I fish the old-fashioned way—with dynamite and screen doors for nets. Don’t be rude—knock before entering the kill zone."

"The lungs are fishing nets for smoke, and I inhaled her essence like she was marijuana grown just for me."

"He who does not love his own language is worse than an animal and smelly fish."

"I’m a Pisces, and people say that Pisces make the best the best lovers. That’s because Pisces are fish, and it’s like my grandpa always used to say, “The next best thing to making love to a mermaid, is having sex with a fish."

"I am a fisherman among farmers, and as a farmer what I grow is tired of waiting for her to love me."

"Tennis is the only sport with love in the score, and that makes it the most romantic. I would be a player, but I wisely use the net to go fishing instead."

"The sides of buildings should be like the tops of lakes. I’d fish through your window hoping to catch a smile."