#humor

"You see, that is the sad, sorry, terrible thing about sarcasm.It's really funny."

"Goat Fucking for Dummies You gently fuck a female goat ~you got to ram the malesto make any progress."

"The slang for the rectum is "prison wallet"."

"And a special thanks for not burning up the whole ship. Including yourself, you daft bum-rag."

"Garden [10w] A garden is a poem written with flowers on earth."

"You humans, always eating. I'll make you soup. You can eat it while you keep working."Myrnin set aside his book and walked into the back of the lab."Don't use the same beaker you used for poisons!"Claire yelled after him. He waved a pale hand. "I mean it!"

"There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating: people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing."

"Sex Kitchens of the Future [10w] Her entire kitchen was made of silicone ~ including her breasts."

"You won't even take your bow? Are you planning to throttle a moose with your bare hands, then?""I've a knife in my boot,"she said, and then wondered, for a moment, if she could throttle a moose with her bare hands."

"Dogs have four legs, just like chairs. I would take mine for a walk, but I’m sitting on it."

"I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was."

"Tolerance! The virtue that makes one bite his tongue so that he can tear out his hair."

"And in what fairy tale would John ever be any sane person's idea of Prince Charming anyway? He was the opposite of charming. More like Prince Terrifying."

"When things are at their blackest, I say to myself, 'Cheer up, things could be worse.' And sure enough, they get worse."

"To Trend or Not to Trend I've had a thousand trending poems,they were rarely my best.Evoking empathy and shared feelingis the poet's only true test."

"Never sleep with a lady only once, especially in the case of an older lady.-'Rhett"

"Love on Fire [10w] A man in love cannot see fire or smell smoke."

"Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn."

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."

"He was my mum and dad's best friend. He's a convicted murderer, but he's broken out of wizard prison and he's on the run. He likes to keep in touch with me, though...keep up with my news...check if I'm happy..."