#humor

"I had a dream about you. You were an escalator, and I was a flight of stairs. You thought I was a Luddite, and I thought I was as ostrich, because I hadn’t figured out how to put the fly in flight. One day you broke down, and then you saw that you and I weren’t so different after all."

"I'm not sure if there's one right place I'm supposed to be, he said, but I know a couple of wrong places I'd give a second try in a heartbeat."

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."

"The State of the World Attests to This: [10w] Common people are too easily manipulated or stupid to vote."

"Because you can't argue with all the fools in the world. It's easier to let them have their way, then trick them when they're not paying attention."

"I think you ought to know I'm feeling very depressed."

"To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my machine was broken."

"Um...Mercer? Haven't seen you in nearly a month. I was expecting something like, 'Oh Cross, love of my heart, fire of my loins, how I've longed--"

"Leo frowned at the giant's spire. "Can't we blow it up or something?""Without me, you do not have the power,"Hera said. "You might as well try to destroy a mountain.""Done that once today,"Jason said."

"To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness."

"Discrete vs. Discreet Moonlight falls upon my feet,beyond the sun's overwrought conceit.I'm painted pristine white, without the heat;reflection's cool reflection~ how discreet!"

"Myth, mist, and mystery all add to the illusion of love. If you need me I’ll be by the fog machine wearing a tunic and writing an epic poem in Greek."

"We have seen the best minds of our generation destroyed by boredom at poetry readings."

"The figures looked more or less human. And they were engaged in religion. You could tell by the knives (it's not murder if you do it for a god)."

"So when the moon's only partly full, you only feel a little wolfy?""You could say that.""Well, you can go ahead and hang your head out the car window if you feel like it.""I'm a werewolf, not a golden retriever."

"A raisin on the ground is full of hope that if it just keeps aging, it will turn into wine and get drunk on its wrinkly self."

"He smiled in a way that made me want to kiss him right on the spot. Or the lips. Whichever was closer."

"Hearts can't be broken because they're made of marzipan."

"What is God? [17] [10w] God has a fondness for cosmology and carbon-based life forms."

"Enormous? Did you just call me FAT? I am not fat. - Jace"