#humor

"I glanced up to see Liz and smiled. "Thank you.""I just went along for the ride. After that happened-"She waved at Derek. "You know how blind people need Seeing Eye dogs? Well, apparently werewolves could really use Opening Door poltergeists."

"Everything I’ve ever done, ever thought, ever experienced, and ever felt, has led me up to this moment in my life. And after accumulating and culminating it, all I can say is, “Ahhhhh!"

"In the present case it is a little inaccurate to say I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible to any public office of trust or profit in the Republic. But I do not repine, for I am a subject of it only by force of arms."

"I want to have a bunch of kids so I can open a factory and have free labor. Beat that, China!"

"Huh,"Leo said. "Well, if you ever get off this island and want a job, let me know. You're not a total klutz."She smirked. "A job, eh?"Making things in your forge?""Nah, we could start our own shop,"Leo said, surprising himself. Starting a machine shop had always been one of his dreams, but he'd never told anyone about it. "Leo and Calypso's Garage: Auto Repair and Mechanical Monsters."

"And there was that poor sucker Flaubert rolling around on his floor for three days looking for the right word."

"Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while"

"They (penguins) then fall madly in love and live happily ever after.-And so you ask yourself: "If a penguin can have a worthwhile, stimulating relationship, why the hell can't I?"-Or maybe you ask yourself: "Would I be happier if I started dating a penguin"

"The dead are way more organized than the living."

"Whoa. Fangs. She had fangs.She leaned in, prodded them a little. Eating with those puppies was going to take some getting used to, she thought.On impulse, she brought up her hands, turned her fingers into claws. Hissed.Cool."

"I'm not a psychopath, I'm a high-functioning sociopath. Do your research."

"There's More Than Two Choices [10w] Don't take the road less traveled;blaze your own path."

"What's in it for me?' A selfish person doesn't become compassionate as the result of some words of wisdom or epiphany. The selfish need selfish reasons to act unselfish."

"Hey, our hair's the same color,"I said, eying us side by side in the mirror."Sure is, girlfriend."Eric grinned at me."

"Just remember, when you’re over the hill, you begin to pick up speed."

"Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door."

"The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be."

"When I die, remember to remove my body from the cooler before you start making the hunch punch. But by all means, do get drunk on my memory."

"A windmill has arms, but does not hug. Where’s the love?"

"Is that a bulletproof vest? See, now that's so insulting. That's like saying I'm not smart enough to shoot you in the head."Eddie DeChooch"