#humor

"Bonjour [10w] You're more obscure than first we met,"uttered with regret."

"Dating Asian Her Kung Fu style was not too bad,but at doggie style she had me had."

"My currency is kindness, and while there are no ATMs that dispense it, it’s also not accepted or recognized at strip clubs."

"All sins are forgiven once you start making a lot of money."

"If you were to ask me the best time of day to fall in love, I'd say, "Now."But you'd also have to remember to factor in the fact that my watch is eleven minutes fast."

"All I do is lie, and that has made me immune to compliments."

"A Chuck Yeager Moment {Couplet} There's a sonic boom resonating in my head as I break through the 2000 HP follower watershed."

"Enemies {couplet} Ne'er shall man's enemies been drawn so near,then when he seeketh to compare."

"Men Be Forewarned! [20w] A man caught in the embrace of the wrong womanis like having his penis caught in a bear trap."

"I just invented a device that eliminates vice. It looks like a bottle of booze, only it’s empty, because I just drank it."

"Jesus!"Luke exclaimed."Actually, it's just me,"said Simon. "Although I've been told the resemblance is startling."

"He who laughs last laughs the laughiest."

"I went to a potluck. I brought my own pot—and luck. The pot was empty, just like my promise to bring food the next time."

"Henry turned as if to dart out of the room, then swung around and stared at them, a look of confusion passing over his freckled face, as if he had only now had cause to wonder why Will, Tessa, and Jem might be crouching together in a mostly disused storage room. "What are you three doing in here, anyway?"Will tilted his head to the side and smiled at Henry. "Charades,"he said. "Massive game."

"Clearly, America has no shortage of metaphorical opportunities for the poor."

"If those at your top are weak, your bottom will be rotten"

"Anything that doesn't take years of your life and drive you to suicide hardly seems worth doing."

"The only difference between Hitler and Bush is that Hitler was elected."

"My relationship with my father had been on the proverbial fritz since the time I was fifteen and called the police to report him for child molesting. He had never molested me, but I wanted to have a party that weekend and needed him out of the house."

"Oh, dear God and baby Jesus in the manger, my eyes!” Dee shrieked. “My eyes!"