#humor

"You saw my leg?""How can a man help what he sees?"he said. "And, if I could add, you possess a very fine leg."

"Who Am I "I don't know who I am whenI'm not the person who loves you."

"Looks like Kelsey wins the award for early riser. And doesn’t she look purtier than a pat of butter meltin’ all over a stack of griddle cakes?"

"Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure."

"And I loved Fats Waller. I love his instrumental abilities, his vocal abilities and his sense of humor."

"I left a jar in the doorway to leave the door ajar, but love never walked in."

"I may not look like much, but I'm an expert at pretending to be a ninja."

"Reality depresses me. I need to find fantasy worlds and escape in them."

"You know what I like most about people? Pets."

"It was impossible to get the Dimitri and Tasha thing out of my head, but at least packing and getting ready made sure I didn't devote 100 percent of my brain power to him. More like 95 percent."

"Hungry When you're hungry everything tastes good.Note to myself: Don't get married when you're hungry."

"Marriage would change hardly anything between us, except that we would end our arguments in a much more satisfying way. And of course I would have extensive legal rights over your body, your property, and all your individual freedoms, but I don't see what's so alarming about that."

"Look!"said Foaly, pointing with some urgency into the vast steel-gray gloom, "Someone who cares!"

"A lecture has been well described as the process whereby the notes of the teacher become the notes of the student without passing through the mind of either."

"How to End Racism [10w] The children of interracial marriages should look like panda bears."

"I feel robbing a bank would be the highest form of performance art. No need to pay to see me work. The Federal Reserve is subsidizing it."

"Yeah, Quirrell was a great teacher. There was just that minor drawback of him having Lord Voldemort sticking out of the back of his head!"

"Coffee Wisdom New Yawk [6] You either pay me the five large nowor yoos can choosebetween the toilet plungeror the hot coffee enemaya fuckin jamook."

"My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style."

"The most enjoyable book in the world is the phone book, because think of all the sex that went into creating the content."