#humor

"If I found 20 dollars on the ground, I’d be willing to bet I’d find someone in desperate need of money that I could give it to. And I’d bet 20 dollars, so even after finding and giving away 20 dollars, I’d have made 20 dollars."

"I think trees should bloom earlier in the spring. They act like they are on a schedule. It’s not like they have anywhere to go."

"I don't understand how people canstand next to you one year,and next year, they cannot. They're going crazy, screaming. They can't take it that you're there. But last year I was in the same club,walking around,lonely like a motherfucker. Couldn't get a date or a dance. I was too skinny, too something,and now, "He's just adorable. He's just, oh!"

"Where I come from, we're more about efficiency,' he replies. 'A knife like this'll skewer food, smear butter, and slit throats all at the same time."

"Lost Love [10w] + {Couplet} Lost love's the season of mists,Though they are gone, memory persists."

"Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope."

"I want to sprint into her open arms, but I run as fast as two shoes tied together and thrown over a telephone wire. I’m like Roger Bannister, now that he’s in a wheelchair."

"I think I am, therefore, I am... I think."

"Boundaries [10w] Receiving bribes blurs the clear boundaries between friends and enemies."

"Hotel hallways should have conveyer belts for floors, so I can feel like a grocery item on vacation. I guess I’m just a romantic."

"It was impossible to get the Dimitri and Tasha thing out of my head, but at least packing and getting ready made sure I didn't devote 100 percent of my brain power to him. More like 95 percent."

"What I'm expecting is for you to behave like the gentleman I always thought you were."

"Reality depresses me. I need to find fantasy worlds and escape in them."

"I want to own a wind farm. Don’t breathe, or you’ll undermine the price of my crop."

"At some point, our lips met and it was perhaps the most wonderful thing I'd ever experienced. And truly, I guess there wasn't just one kiss, but several. A polite frenzy. A mass migration of delicate wildebeest kisses. I remember them as one transcendent event, though."

"I had a dream about you last night... I was a brick and you were a blanket. Damn that improbability drive."

"A Tad Old Fashioned [10w] "Save all your sighing and swooning for the 18th Century, bitch."

"Plant vs. Harvest [10w] Any fool can harvest but it takes true skill to plant."

"Finally, from so little sleeping and so much reading, his brain dried up and he went completely out of his mind."

"Ah,” said Magnus. “Nerd love. It is a beautiful thing, while also being an object of mockery and hilarity for those of us who are more sophisticated."