#humor

"There is only one cure for grey hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine."

"Minimum Wage [10w] Even trained bears couldn't bear working for bare minimum wage."

"The meek may inherit the earth, but at the moment it belongs to the conceited. Like me."

"Love is like jumping out of an airplane with no parachute. But there’s no need to be frightened, because that plane is still on the ground."

"I pet horses and ride cats, because I’m a cowman. I’m too mature to be a cowboy."

"Maybe he thinks he can rescue me? No one is that stupid."

"Thank You, Adobe [10w] Thanks to Photoshop,a picture isn't worth a single word."

"Cats don't need to be possessed; they're evil on their own."

"No wonder kids grow up crazy. A cat's cradle is nothing but a bunch of X's between somebody's hands, and little kids look and look and look at all those X's . . .""And?""No damn cat, and no damn cradle."

"Styx Haiku Boatman refusesto paddle me down the Styx.'No carry-on baggage."

"I don't like it when I outweigh my men."

"If sex were shoes, I'd wear you out. But I wouldn't wear you out in public."

"I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour, but heaven knows I'm miserable now."

"I'm happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in."

"The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it."

"Look on the bright side,"said Simon, "If they need a human sacrifice, you can always offer me. I'm not sure the rest of you qualify anyway."

"Bruges Belgium Haiku Behind a stack of grey Lego bricksyou wheeze up Belfry's 366 stepsand don't see a single bat."

"Right,"she said, "We're going to the Land of the Dead and I shouldn't think negative."

"It is happy for you that you possess the talent of flattering with delicacy. May I ask whether these pleasing attentions proceed from the impulse of the moment, or are they the result of previous study?"

"I like to write when I feel spiteful. It is like having a good sneeze."(Letter to Cynthia Asquith, November 1913)"