#humor

"Grandma's Advice on Ambition "Children, if you aim for the stars you'll be impaled by small meteorites and become toast."

"Exactly!"said Deep Thought. "So once you do know what the question actually is, you'll know what the answer means."

"This is Annabeth,” Jason said. “Uh, normally she doesn't judo-flip people."

"Love vs. Control [10w] A lover you can control is not worthy of having."

"American Foreign Policy [10w] Foreign Policy requires dealing from the bottom of the deck."

"Standing in the kitchen when you’re hungry is torture. That’s why I moved my fridge to my dungeon, where I keep the prisoners."

"I happen to be immature, undisciplined, and self-centered, pretty much a little boy in a man's body, although I'd appreciate it if you didn't quote me on that.-Bobby Tom"

"It's so hard to believe in anything anymore. I mean, it's like, religion, you really can't take it seriously, because it seems so mythological, it seems so arbitrary...but, on the other hand, science is just pure empiricism, and by virtue of its method, it excludes metaphysics. I guess I wouldn't believe in anything anymore if it weren't for my lucky astrology mood watch."

"Love is like a river flowing through your heart. I’ll bring the boat, if you bring the bridge."

"A photographer is like a cod, which produces a million eggs in order that one may reach maturity."

"Thorn [5w] Every thorn has its rose."

"Look. Survey. Inspect. My hair is ruined! I look like a pan of bacon and eggs!"

"You gotta run more than your mouth to escape the treadmill of mediocrity. A true hustler jogs during the day, and sleepwalks at night."

"The salesman said the sale was happening because all the gizmos in the store had to be liquidated. It was a lot of solidfluid, and I would have bought something, but the only thing I was thirsty for was her love."

"Husbands are chiefly good as lovers when they are betraying their wives."

"I’ve met plenty of embarrassing parents, but Kronos, the evil Titan Lord who wanted to destroy Western Civilization? Not the kind of dad you invited toschool for Career Day."

"The French have a new president, the British will soon have a new P.M., and we envy them as we endure the endless wait for this small dim man to go back to Texas and resume his life."

"I didn’t tackle him. I gave him a flying hug. Sometimes love is up in the air until it hits you."

"Delaying death is one of my favorite hobbies"

"All my failures as a human being I blame on my father. Life is about accepting responsibility, and it’s time my father started being held accountable for my deficiencies."