#witty

"I like my relationships like I like my eggs. Over easy."

"Using my thumb and middle finger, I tend to make snap decisions. Right away I know whether I like a song or not."

"I’d heard you were dead.”"I heard you wear a red lace corset,” I said matter-of-factly. “But I don’t believe every bit of nonsense that gets rumored about."

"Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions."

"I’ll give you 50% off for half a year, or 100% off for a whole year. At these bargain discount prices, my love won’t last forever."

"I like to spoon after I fork."

"My father could be very witty, even if the humor was always on the darker side of irony."

"This is the fast lane, folks...and some of us like it here."

"Nothing so fortifies a friendship as a belief on the part of one friend that he is superior to the other."

"Life is too fleet for onomatopoeia."

"People tell me I look like my father. I've never seen my dad, so does that mean I look invisible?"

"This year I vow to learn how to garden. I will be the Farmer of Love and grow in understanding and forgiveness."

"I dance so fluid you’d think I’m a fish. I don’t need to drink to be able to dance—I am the drink. Have a sip and find out for yourself."

"A person is wise if he listens to millions of advice and doesn't implement any of it."

"If an apology is followed by an excuse or a reason, it means they are going to commit same mistake again they just apologized for."

"Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no fibs."

"Your friends can be double-edged knife thy can either nurture you or destroy you. Choose them Wisely......"

"I gave her a broken watch, to symbolize that my love for her is forever and timeless. And as an excuse to why I’m always late."

"Whenever I think of something but can't think of what it was I was thinking of, I can't stop thinking until I think I'm thinking of it again. I think I think too much."

"A pause followed my greeting. Then “We’re watching you ” whispered the voice on the other end.“Yeah? Did you see what I did with my keys? ”Silence. Then dial tone.These younger demons. So easily discouraged."