humor

"But we're going to smile and pretend we're fine with the dorky birthmas gifts because people do not get that they can't mush a birthday into christmas."

"This life’s hard, but it’s harder if you’re stupid."

"I have this horrible sense of humor where I think discomfort is funny - partly because I experience discomfort a lot, and it's a way of laughing at it and getting a release."

"Peter, you're twelve years old. I'm ten. They have a word for people our age. They call us children and they treat us like mice."

"The word long is short, and so is the word short, but why is the word love as long as long? Shouldn’t it be longer?"

"If you are good life is good."

"Some people try to change the world one life at a time. Others try to change the world one death at a time. And I try to change the world one bucket full of dirt at a time."

"Wit is the lowest form of humor."

"Love isn’t all flowers, candles, and dancing midgets. No, it is much, much taller than all that."

"Sometimes I make myself laugh, but that's because I appreciate my sense of humor."

"When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick."

"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."

"Good planning is important. I've also regarded a sense of humor as one of the most important things on a big expedition. When you're in a difficult or dangerous situation, or when you're depressed about the chances of success, someone who can make you laugh eases the tension."

"Last time I arm-wrestled, I broke my leg. Boy, what I wouldn’t do for love."

"Life... is like a grapefruit. Well, it's sort of orangey-yellow and dimpled on the outside, wet and squidgy in the middle. It's got pips inside, too. Oh, and some people have half a one for breakfast."

"Claire, did I invite you to my barbeque?"Massie asked, her neck tilting to the right and her arms tightly crossed."Huh? No. I mean, I don't know,"Claire said."Then why are you all up in my grill?"Massie said through her teeth."

"If my last name were Hunter, I’d probably be a fisherman. That’s just the kind of lover I am."

"A man's true character comes out when he's drunk."

"Claire was struggling through last summer’s diary volume when Myrnin popped in through the portal, wearing a big floppy black hat and a kind of crazy/stylish pimp coat that covered him from neck to ankles, black leather gloves, and a black and silver walking stick with a dragon’s head on it. And, on his lapel was a button that said, If you can read this, thank a teacher."

"Are you any good at it?""Pulling idiots out of the snow? I'm the best."