humor

"We get to live in a time that we get to use social media as a tool. It's not just a face on a piece of paper, and that's what makes you someone's favorite model. We can have a very similar sense of humor as someone, and that's why we're their favorite model, or our personal style, off the runway, is why we're their favorite."

"I asked for info, and he offered it for a price. Now I’m selling him my security services, and if he doesn’t pay me, I’m going to give him a karate lesson—for free."

"Nothing's a better cure for writer's block than to eat ice cream right out of the carton."

"I'm here at The Container Store looking for something large enough to hold all my love for her. It's a flood, so I hope they sell Shipping Container Ships."

"There are the horror fans that love the 'Evil Dead' because of the humor, but I'm sure it's not all of them. Not all horror fans love 'Evil Dead' because of the humor, at least not me."

"The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever seen that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews. Bottle openers. ‘Come on, buddy, let’s go. You get past me, the guy in the back of me, he’s got a spoon. Back off, I’ve got the toe clippers right here."

"I suppose I'll have to add the force of gravity to my list of enemies."

"My boxers should require batteries, because I’m such an exceptional lover that pizza delivery people call me for carry out. 30 minutes or less—as if!"

"Mistletoe,"said Luna dreamily, pointing at a large clump of white berries placed almost over Harry's head. He jumped out from under it. "Good thinking,"said Luna seriously. "It's often infested with nargles."

"I think it would be neat to meet a man who slept with one eye open, especially if that man was a Cyclops."

"Try to find someone with a sense of humor. That's an important thing to have because when you get into an argument, one of the best ways to diffuse it is to be funny. You don't want to hide away from a point, because some points are serious, but you'd rather have a discussion that was a discussion, rather than an argument."

"There's not a lot of other stuff I admire about his content, but there's something about Howard Stern and his perseverance in a very difficult industry. He does tickle me in certain ways with humor."

"A telkhine was hunched over a console, but he was so involved with his work, he didn't notice us. He was about five feet tall, with slick black seal fur and stubby little feet. He had the head of a Doberman, but his clawed hands were almost human. He growled and muttered as he tapped on his keyboard. Maybe he was messaging his friends on uglyface.com."

"A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory."

"It has always surprised me how little attention philosophers have paid to humor, since it is a more significant process of mind than reason. Reason can only sort out perceptions, but the humor process is involved in changing them."

"My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best."

"To this day, I've found that it doesn't matter what a guy looks like if he's really funny. His sense of humor makes him attractive. On the other hand, you don't hear men saying, 'No she's not pretty, but is she ever funny!'"

"His eyes are as green as a fresh pickled toad,His hair is as dark as a blackboard.I wish he was mine, he's really divine,The hero who conquered the Dark Lord."

"I like pink."Lucius sniffed. "It's just red's sorry, weak cousin."

"Writing is the only profession where no one considers you ridiculous if you earn no money."