#humor

"I have an 8th grade education. Of course, I also have a bachelor’s degree."

"Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?"I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!"I yelled."

"There's nothing more contagious than the laughter of young children; it doesn't even have to matter what they're laughing about."

"Invisible things are the only realities."

"What in the blue star-blazes did you see in Jason?"he asked, still forcefully but with his frustration and jealousy under better control."For one thing, Djetth, he wasn't trying to kill me!"("Marsh", heroine of Insufficient Mating Material)"

"Pedestals [10w] People should not be placed on pedestals unless they're stuffed."

"Opportunities Come a Knockin' [10w] Never miss the opportunity to fuck or write poetry."

"A can’t in a can—it’s carbonated failure that’s ready to drink. It tastes like the back half of love."

"I think fish is nice, but then I think that rain is wet, so who am I to judge?"

"The most enjoyable book in the world is the phone book, because think of all the sex that went into creating the content."

"Now what happens?"asked the man in black. "We face each other as God intended,"Fezzik said. "No tricks, no weapons, skill against skill alone.""You mean you'll put down your rock and I'll put down my sword and we'll try to kill each other like civilized people, is that it?"

"You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn't that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena."

"Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel."

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'."

"Pulling a Houdini Relationships are magic;we're always getting each other out of handcuffs and strait-jacketswhile locked in a steamer trunk underwater."

"Who needs a large vocabulary when you can just make up any word at any time? It makes life a whole lot more emeaglibop."

"Once the others were below, Hazel and Leo faced each other awkwardly. They were alone except for Coach Hedge, who was back on the quarterdeck singing the Pokémon theme song. The coach had changed the words to: Gotta Kill ’Em All, and Leo really didn’t want to know why."

"I past another telkhine, who was so startled he dropped his Lil' Demons lunch box. I left him alive - partly because he had a cool lunch box..."

"Unless you're a lesbian... [10w] Feminism is not a sustainable position without giving up love."

"Speak to the Head [10w] + {Couplet} Tis of no fucking availTo speak to the tail."