#humor

"Crap, are you thinking what I'm thinking?""I'm thinking we have about fifteen vampires and no blood,"Claire said. "Is that it?""No, I was thinking we're out of chips. Of course that's what I was thinking."

"Don't count your owls before they are delivered."

"The only time I really think is when I smoke, and I quit smoking years ago."

"The more excited I get, the more I vibrate.""Now there's a thought,"Lor says."If you mean what I think you mean, you want to shut the fuck up and never think it again,"Ryodan says."

"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond."

"Bad news, Harry. I've just been to see Professor McGonagall about the Firebolt. She – er, got a bit shirty with me. Told me I'd got my priorities wrong. Seemed to think I cared more about winning the Cup than I do about staying alive. Just because I told her I didn't care if it threw you off, as long as you caught the Snitch first."

"You don't have to make something that people call art. Living is an artistic activity, there is an art to getting through the day."

"Please don't die."

"The only way a woman can ever reform a man is by boring him so completely that he loses all possible interest in life."

"Those sweet lips. My, oh my, I could kiss those lips all night long.Good things come to those who wait."

"Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?"

"I had a dream about you last night... You turned red, then green, and then blue. You told me you were trying to fit in with the m&m's."

"What is pink, blurry, and always leaving when you’re arriving? Love."

"Somalia Haiku For a Somalian, heaven's drawing water from a well in an earthen pot."

"Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope."

"Rule number one of anime,"Simon said. He sat propped up against a pile of pillows at the foot of his bed, a bag of potato chips in one hand and the TV remote in the other. He was wearing a black T-shirt that said I BLOGGED YOUR MOM and a pair of jeans that were ripped in one knee. "Never screw with a blind monk."

"Valentine's Day 1 [10w] Valentine's Day affirms the promise that love can be sustained."

"A real scientist solves problems, not wails that they are unsolvable."

"Two hundred Romans, and no one’s got a pen? Never mind!"He slung his M16 onto his back and pulled out a hand grenade. There were many screaming Romans. Then the hand grenade morphed into a ballpoint pen, and Mars began to write. Frank looked at Percy with wide eyes. He mouthed: Can your sword do grenade form?Percy mouthed back, No. Shut up."

"Every night I sleep like a log. In a lit fireplace. If you bring the marshmallows, I’ll bring the burning desire for you."