#humor

"Why is it that all cars are women?"he asked. "Because they're fussy and demanding,"answered Zee. "Because if they were men, they'd sit around and complain instead of getting the job done,"I told him."

"Some people grow cotton, while I have a t-shirt farm. The rainy season is when I get the most visitors."

"The difference between you and everyone else, is everyone else. And that’s a lot, so you should feel special."

"From now on, I'm not doing anything I don't want to do! The world owes me happiness, fulfillment and success.... I'm just here to cash in."

"When something needs to be said, you look for a man to say it. But when something needs actually to be done, you look for a woman."

"Silver knives! Painful and sometimes deadly to all paranormals!''Tasey!' I counterd 'Hot pink and sparkly!"

"Just because I flap my arms, that doesn’t make me a bird. No, I’m a bird because I believe myself to be. That’s the power of faith."

"Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for - looking up exes to see how fat they got?"

"There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva"

"It turned out I was pretty good in science. But again, because of the small budget, in science class we couldn't afford to do experiments in order to prove theories. We just believed everything. Actually, I think that class was called Religion. Religion class was always an easy class. All you had to do was suspend the logic and reasoning you were being taught in all the other classes."

"Q & A The illness of our time is not that we lack for answers;man's tragedy is that we've forgotten the important questions."

"Razo hopped back up and adopted a posture that said he was completely unruffled, never had been, and in fact was ready to do something manly like lift boulders or swallow live worms."

"I’m a little more reserved in person than people expect. But I warm up quickly, like leftovers. Meatloaf, anyone?"

"Who wants to go down the creepy tunnel inside the tomb first?— Riley Poole"

"Regret vs. Good Times "If I had to regret the good times I spent with every lover who eventually disillusioned me,my love life would be reduced to ten seconds."

"Hearts Hearts of hope and of promiseHearts filled with dreams and whim,These are the hearts of loversUnguarded,Standing out on a limb.Hearts unmended and brokenHearts scarred to stone and steel,These are the hearts of loversArmored,Being unable to feel."

"Every night I sleep like a log. In a lit fireplace. If you bring the marshmallows, I’ll bring the burning desire for you."

"To be invisible, paint yourself with the direct shade of zero. Leave nothing to chance, by taking nothing with you wherever you go."

"In a gust of guts and gusto, I told her of my love for her. Then, like a tornado, she spun what I said into something that terrorized Kansas."

"We who think we are about to die will laugh at anything."