humor

"You deal with mythological stuff for a few years, you learn that paradises are usually places where you get killed."

"Max, if you survive your final test, can you steal me one of those magic outfits for me?"I'll try to get one for each of us. Hey! 'If'?"

"Succotash my cocker spaniel, you fudging crevasse-hole dipshiitake!"

"The line between humor and bad taste is your audience, in which some people will find everything offensive, and some people will find nothing offensive, but the truth is that most humor originates in what would be called bad taste."

"Would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?"

"This is the best night of my life,"Raffy says, crying."Raffy, half our House has burnt down,"I say wearily. "We don't have a kitchen.""Why do you always have to be so pessimistic?"she asks. "We can double up in our rooms and have a barbecue every night like the Cadets."Silently I vow to keep Raffy around for the rest of my life."

"There is something really horrific for any human being who feels he is being consumed by other people. I'm talking about a writer's critics, who don't address what you've written, but want to probe into your existence and magnify the trivia of your life without any sense of humor, without any sense of context."

"His eyes widened just a bit, his lips flexed. I realized he was trying not to laugh. I hate it when people find my threats amusing."

"A woman has to be intelligent, have charm, a sense of humor, and be kind. It's the same qualities I require from a man."

"If you want to catch beasts you don't see every day,You have to go places quite out of the way,You have to go places no others can get to.You have to get cold and you have too get wet, too."

"Drink my Distraction Juice (not from concentrate). It tastes like love, only not so focused on just one ingredient."

"Speak softly and employ a huge man with a crowbar."

"Humor is the most engaging cowardice."

"Falling in love is painful on the knees."

"I gave him my best cryptic smile. He did not fall down to his feet, kiss my shoes, and promise me the world. I must be getting rusty."

"I wrote you a love letter, and I sent it snail mail. Love is forever, and that’s about how long it’ll take to get to you."

"When I'm out of politics I'm going to run a business, it'll be called rent-a-spine"

"I leave my door locked and unlocked. You know, for stopportunities. As a lover, I’ve been known—and unknown—to be like Zeno."

"I've always littered my songs with jokes. You might need to dig a little deeper to find the humor, but I would totally object to being some kind of distraught personality. I've never tried to attach myself to that."

"Leadership is being the first to put others second. Wait, that’s not right. That’s politics."