humor

"Stop acting so small. You are the universe in ecstatic motion."

"I want to spend less time talking about myself, and more time listening to what other people have to say about me."

"#Networking is people looking for people looking for people. As for me, I’m more of a birdwatcher."

"Tacos.""Tacos?"I echoed.This seemed to amuse him. "Tomatoes, lettuce, cheese.""I know what a taco is!"

"Mainstream news wants to keep you as a useful idiot. Instead, try being a non-useful idiot."

"The goodbad news is she only stole half. The badgood news is she stole half. And when it’s love that’s been stolen, a hole the size of half your heart feels like the whole thing has been taken."

"I want to upholster the inside lining of my nostrils with leather, to have that "new car smell"all the time."

"Women's humor seems to be a little more supportive. It's just kind of trying to make the other one laugh through funny voices and kind of talking about other people. I respond to that. I feel less like I'm going to get beat up in a room full of women than I do in a room full of guys."

"Men will confess to treason, murder, arson, false teeth, or a wig. How many of them will own up to a lack of humor?"

"In Buddhism, they say attachment to anything only leads to suffering. So when we laugh, it's our way of saying, 'I'm unattached to that.' You're tickled by it, it makes your lobes do something on their own. So humor is very important to me. I always take that to the stage first."

"To me, sadness and humor aren't disrelated and humor is the best tool I've had against the sadness in my life."

"So be sure when you step, Step with care and great tact. And remember that life's A Great Balancing Act. And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed) Kid, you'll move mountains."

"It doesn't matter if they hate you, or embarrass you, or simply don't appreciate your genius for inventing the internet-""You invented the internet?"It was my idea, Martha said.Rats are delicious, George said."It was my idea!"Hermes said. "I mean the internet, not the rats. But that's not the point."

"I pet horses and ride cats, because I’m a cowman. I’m too mature to be a cowboy."

"What you see on stage is pretty much the way I am... a dry sense of humor."

"My birthday is on a holiday. I just have to wait until I die and they commemorate me."

"My books are shelved in different places, depending on the bookstore. Sometimes they can be found in the Mystery section, sometimes in the Humor department, and occasionally even in the Literature aisle, which is somewhat astounding."

"Yes Headwoman Azaze. But I never lie to Rosethorn. She, um, discourages it.""Evvy and I have an understanding."She grabbed the teakettle and poured hot water into the mug. "She tells me the truth, and I don't hang her in the first well we come to. It's a solution that works tolerably well for both of us."

"A genius. A criminal mastermind. A millionaire. And he is only twelve years old."

"People always ask me if I’m into sports, and I say, “Well, isn’t writing a sport? If you’re doing it right, and you have a deadline, you should be sweating."