humor

"I think up until the point when we started in the business, which was in the early '70s, most of the humor was political. The smart humor was political satire."

"Love is a Heaven Cake, with clouds for icing. If there are two pieces left, I guess I can have seconds."

"Yes, the long war on Christianity. I pray that one day we may live in an America where Christians can worship freely! In broad daylight! Openly wearing the symbols of their religion... perhaps around their necks? And maybe -- dare I dream it? -- maybe one day there can be an openly Christian President. Or, perhaps, 43 of them. Consecutively."

"A rose is a mixture of flower and thorns, which means it’s half “Let’s fuck,” and half “fuck you."

"I make love like I make coffee. Tuesdays and Thursdays I offer free refills."

"Cheaters never prosper. (Because they suck.)"

"Humor is the ability to see three sides to one coin."

"I don't think my sense of humor has changed at all; I was born with this, for better or for worse."

"Look!"said Foaly, pointing with some urgency into the vast steel-gray gloom, "Someone who cares!"

"My definition of dictionary can’t be found in the dictionary. Dictionary—A linguistic prison, confining words to well-defined cells, with little chance of parole."

"My daughter doesn't even get my humor. She's like, 'Um, no. I don't get it, Dad. Mmm, no, not that one, Dad.'"

"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."

"I feel robbing a bank would be the highest form of performance art. No need to pay to see me work. The Federal Reserve is subsidizing it."

"Don't go looking for boys in the darkThey will say pretty things thenleave you with scars.Do go looking for boys in the parkFor that is where the true gentlemen are."

"Alec looked at her and shook his head. "How do you manage never to get mud on your clothes?"Isabelle shrugged philosophically. "I'm pure at heart. It repels the dirt."

"Comedy, we may say, is society protecting itself - with a smile."

"Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement."

"I think my sense of humor is Jewish. I'm smarter than most white people, which is kind of a Jewish thing, too."

"I have two ears, so why can’t I listen to two things at once? A politician only has one mouth, yet doublespeaks all the time."

"Sydney spent a lot of time on my bed these days.Unfortunately, it wasn't with me."