humor

"No, thanks,"said Harry. "The toilet's never had anything as horrible as your head down it— it might be sick."Then he ran, before Dudley could work out what he'd said."

"RésuméRazors pain you,Rivers are damp,Acids stain you,And drugs cause cramp.Guns aren't lawful,Nooses give,Gas smells awful.You might as well live."

"The more excited I get, the more I vibrate.""Now there's a thought,"Lor says."If you mean what I think you mean, you want to shut the fuck up and never think it again,"Ryodan says."

"Leo had seen Tia Callida in action; she liked knives, snakes and putting babies in roaring fires. Yeah, definitely let's unleash her rage. Great idea."

"I was talking aloud to myself. A habit of the old: they choose the wisest person present to speak to"

"Why it's simply impassible!Alice: Why, don't you mean impossible?Door: No, I do mean impassible. (chuckles) Nothing's impossible!"

"I want to upholster the inside lining of my nostrils with leather, to have that "new car smell"all the time."

"They say that 'Guns don't kill people, people kill people.' Well I think the gun helps. If you just stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people."

"I just rely on natural talent,"said Adrian, strolling up to the start of the Dragon's Lair. "When you have such a wealth of it to draw from, the danger comes from having too much."

"Using a mannequin and some rope, could you ride two bicycles at once? Next time, try three bikes. Then truly love someone, because that’s even harder."

"I like knocking on strangers’ doors, and when they answer and say hello, I respond, “I have returned, as prophesied.” Then I just stand there staring at them."

"Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark."

"Humour is the weapon of unarmed people: it helps people who are oppressed to smile at the situation that pains them."

"Great earrings would be little speakers, so she can hear better. Or maybe she just wasn’t listening all those times I told her I loved her."

"Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope."

"أحيانا أميل إلى قراءة الكتابات الخرافية، بالأمس عكفت ساعة على قراءة ميثاق حقوق الإنسان"

"I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions."

"I don't really dissect comedy. Nothing kills off humor more than overanalyzing it."

"He who laughs last laughs the laughiest."

"Explanations exist; they have existed for all time; there is always a well-known solution to every human problem—neat, plausible, and wrong."