humor

"Writing in English is the most ingenious torture ever devised for sins committed in previous lives. The English reading public explains the reason why."

"There are two typos of people in this world: those who can edit, and those who can't."

"Total absence of humor renders life impossible."

"My hands could be considered deadly weapons. You see, I write with both of them."

"I think you have to have a sense of humor about every movie that you're doing. Your character needs to be relatable in a way that, even when you're doing the most bizarre things, sometimes a bit of tongue in cheek is necessary to keep up the believability of it."

"After spending 460 days as a hostage, I did emerge a fundamentally changed person. But I think, like everyone does as they grow older and probably wiser, I can look back at my earlier life - my history, my mistakes, the joy I felt as a young woman traveling the world - with some objectivity and even some humor."

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'."

"When I teach the formal curriculum, I have the chance to think about it ahead of time. I can rehearse it. I can illustrate it with self-deprecating humor and humble-sounding personal disclosure. I can try to make it comes out just right."

"Dance like it hurts. Love like you need money. Work when people are watching. -- Dogbert's Motto"

"I think that sense of humor is important in marriage. A sense of humor gets people through marriage."

"So what? All writers are lunatics!"

"The last thing I ever wanted was to be alive when the three most powerful people on the whole planet would be named Bush, Dick and Colon."

"He who hesitates is a damned fool."

"In truth, politeness is artificial good humor, it covers the natural want of it, and ends by rendering habitual a substitute nearly equivalent to the real virtue."

"In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria."

"Some people say, “Never let them see you cry.” I say, if you’re so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone."

"There's plenty of room for humor in politics, God knows, but it's a serious business."

"Meaning what? We're going to pretend nothing's going on? That's stupid. The only way to deal with any of this is to get it out in the open."Have you been watching Oprah again?"

"Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed."

"Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company."