humor

"(Media question to Beatles during first U.S. tour 1964)"How do you find America?""Turn left at Greenland."

"I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back."

"Sometimes I think it is a great mistake to have matter that can think and feel. It complains so. By the same token, though, I suppose that boulders and mountains and moons could be accused of being a little too phlegmatic."

"He'd been wrong, there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and it was a flamethrower."

"I like people with a good sense of humor, like Jennifer Aniston. She is amazing and is a great actress."

"I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper."

"I can chase you, and I can catch you,but there is nothing I can do to make you mine."

"I used to sell hellos by the wave until I found out Dark Jar Tin Zoo was reselling them on eBay as goodbyes. Now I’m a yawn distributor."

"When you're here, I'm there for you. And when you're there, I'm here for you."

"FEAR stands for fuck everything and run."

"I'll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure."

"Death, taxes and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."

"My girlfriend is a party girl angel who can kick some arse and cook."

"I sold ten bags of hellos for five bags of goodbyes. I’d say that’s a good profit. Or it was, before I blew all my goodbyes on ex lovers."

"I think that some books are more successful than others to certain readers. People who read my books for the humor, they're going to love one book. People who read my books for the mystery, they might not like that book quite as much."

"Humor's a weapon if you want to make it one."

"A photographer is like a cod, which produces a million eggs in order that one may reach maturity."

"When I win, it’s because I’m skilled. When I lose, it’s because my opponent is lucky. But when I fall in love, it’s because I’m lucky and she’s skilled."

"Man has two legs and chairs have four, because we were made to stand out, not sit down—or be sat on. You are your brand—you are not a piece of furniture. Well, this applies to everyone except my grandma, but she’s dead, so she really doesn’t mind being used as a coat rack."

"Another relative?"Valek asked.A broad smile stretched Moon Man's lips. "Yes. I am her mother's uncle's wife'sthird cousin."--Valek and Moon Man"