humor

"Trains are great dirty smoky things,"said Will. "You won't like it."Tessa was unmoved. "I won't know if I like it until I try it, will I?""I've never swum naked in the Thames before, but I know I wouldn't like it.""But think how entertaining for sightseers,"said Tessa, and she saw Jem duck his head to hide the quick flash of his grin."

"I find any sort of acting that doesn't have any humor in it is mind-numbingly boring. 'Serious acting' is the kind of acting that I don't ever respond to."

"Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book."

"Sure, I am funny and have a good sense of humor. Mostly, though, I just tell the truth. The internal dialogue people have in their heads - I just write it."

"Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it."

"If you merge an emergency with a mannequin, that’s how I look at networking events. Panicked stillness, that’s the look I’ve perfected in an effort to make myself appear more approachable."

"If you had a million years to do it in, you couldn't rub out even half the "Fuck you"signs in the world. It's impossible."

"Take some more tea,"the March Hare said to Alice, very earnestly."I've had nothing yet,"Alice replied in an offended tone, "so I can't take more.""You mean you can't take less,"said the Hatter: "it's very easy to take more than nothing.""Nobody asked your opinion,"said Alice."

"Humor is the oxygen of children's literature. There's a lot of competition for children's time, but even kids who hate to read want to read a funny book."

"I'm not absolutely certain of the facts, but I rather fancy it's Shakespeare who says that it's always just when a fellow is feeling particularly braced with things in general that Fate sneaks up behind him with the bit of lead piping."

"Mario, what do you get when you cross an insomniac, an unwilling agnostic and a dyslexic?""I give.""You get someone who stays up all night torturing himself mentally over the question of whether or not there's a dog."

"I think part of being a parent is trying to kill your kids."

"Some people say, “Never let them see you cry.” I say, if you’re so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone."

"Silver is an investment. It’s like a second-place future. Makes me want to create Michael Phelps-flavored ice cream and eat a whole tub."

"The people I mixed with in Monaco didn't relate to my South African mentality or humor... Although I have met some wonderful people since I've been living in Monaco, I regard them all as acquaintances. I only have two people I consider friends here."

"This is Leo. I'm the... What's my title? Am I like, admiral, or captain, or...""Repair boy.""Very funny, Piper."

"Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television."

"Never doubt my weaseling abilities, Shadowhunter, for they are epic and memorable in their scope."

"Tarzan-like men are my weakness, apparently."

"The only way I could get comfortable around people was to make them laugh. I was an obedient girl, and humor was my one form of rebellion. I used comedy to deflect. Like, 'Hey, check out my zit!' - you know, making fun of yourself before someone else has a chance to."