humor

"It may help to understand human affairs to be clear that most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused, not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad, but by people being fundamentally people."

"Percy was getting tired of water.If he said that aloud, he would probably get kicked out of Poseidon’s Junior Sea Scouts, but he didn’t care."

"You're an idiot.""I've never claimed to be otherwise."

"To say she was my girlfriend was absurd: no one the wrong side of thirty has a girlfriend… I suppose I ought to have realize it’s ominous that forty thousand years of human language had failed to produce a word for our relationship."

"Dev-"Come in peace or leave in pieces"

"As far as humor goes, I've always been a very insecure person and I've always wanted to be liked."

"Do you know people who insist they like 'all kinds of music'? That actually means they like no kinds of music."

"I'm too young, too smart and too good-looking to die."

"No, thanks,"said Harry. "The toilet's never had anything as horrible as your head down it— it might be sick."Then he ran, before Dudley could work out what he'd said."

"Yakka foob mog. Grug pubbawup zink wattoom gazork. Chumble spuzz. I love loopholes."

"I saw this beautiful girl the other day. She had an ass behind her that seemed to go on for days. In fact, I’m still going on about her."

"The real important things are kindness and a sense of humor. I've been fortunate to have dated and could have easily married women who have those qualities, and time and circumstances didn't work out. Timing plays a big part."

"It's an amusing idea to some, this feminism thing - this audacious notion that women should be able to move through the world as freely, and enjoy the same inalienable rights and bodily autonomy, as men. At least, that's the impression given when feminism and feminists are all too often the targets of lazy humor."

"Blackjack,"Percy said, "this is Piper and Jason. They're friends."The horse nickered."Uh, maybe later,"Percy answered.Piper had heard that Percy could speak to horses, being the son of the horse lord Poseidon, but she'd never seen it in action."What does Blackjack want?"she asked."Donuts,"Percy said. "Always donuts."

"Gold is liquid sunlight frozen in time, and that’s why I love the way ice melts in vodka. I also love the way ice melts in vodka. I’ll have another shot, if you’ll reload the revolver."

"When I dance, I’m so fluid you could drink my moves. And if you sip it with your morning coffee, you’ll be light on your feet all day."

"Humor is almost always anger with its make-up on."

"Before I begin, may I ask how old you are?""You may ask.""How old are you?""It's none of your business"

"If you can't feel, why did you kiss me?"Patch traced a finger along my collarbone, then headed south stopping at my heart. I felt it pounding through my skin. "Because I feel it here, in my heart,"he said quietly."

"You must admit I have a right to live in a pigsty if I want."