humor

"You're still here. No beer. I'm not corrupting a minor.""But you're a minor,"she pointed out. "At least for beer.""Yeah, and by the way, how much does it suck that I'm an adult if I kill somebody, and I'm not if I want a beer?"

"Someday is not a day of the week."

"Nobody's ever asked me to a party before, as a friend. Is that why you dyed your eyebrow, for the party? Should I do mine too?"

"I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours."

"My humor is a lot like Kristen Wiig's from 'Saturday Night Live' or 'Bridesmaids.' Quirky, off the beaten path."

"Just as I had long suspected, a person didn't really need math for anything anyway. Maybe some people did. Some limited people."

"Anybody who says they are a good liar obviously is not, because any legitimately savvy liar would always insist they're honest about everything."

"Are you tired, irritable, or suffering from heartburn? Ask your doctor if my love is right for you. 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 9 out of 10 is 90%."

"You know, Freud accepted his lot very stoically and very well and with a sense of humor. He aged and died gracefully, and there's a lot to be said for that."

"It turned out I was pretty good in science. But again, because of the small budget, in science class we couldn't afford to do experiments in order to prove theories. We just believed everything. Actually, I think that class was called Religion. Religion class was always an easy class. All you had to do was suspend the logic and reasoning you were being taught in all the other classes."

"...crackers..."a voice breathed out nehind us, "yesss..."Both of us turned, watching as Chubs twisted around in his seat and settled back down, still fast asleep. I pressed a hand over my mouth to keep from laughing. Liam rolled his eyes, smiling. "He dreams about food,"he said. "A lot."

"My fam is just a regular family. But all of them have great senses of humor."

"I am not really breaking any rules. Charlie said I could never take another step through the door again... I came in through the window... Still, the intent was clear,"said Edward."

"I'm tough, I'm ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay."

"I was seen spotted with an older woman and a girl half my height in age. A leopard was also spotted."

"If I shot an arrow and thought about an ass, would it surprise you if it hit Erik?"

"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond."

"Dont ruin my balls!"She laughs as the words leave her mouth.Better yours than mine, chica."I toss the dough balls at her, one by one, until I've got none left."

"Humor is a social lubricant that helps us get over some of the bad spots."

"I think you ought to know I'm feeling very depressed."