humor

"Hercules,huh? Percy frowned. "That guy was like the Starbucks of Ancient Greece. Everywhere you turn--there he is."

"You rush a miracle worker, you get lousy miracles!"

"Comparing penis sizes is a much more nuanced and sophisticated way to determine who’s right than something as clunky and uncouth as a debate."

"Studies have shown that an ant can carry one hundred times its own weight, but there is no known limit to the lifting power of the average tiny eighty-year-old Spanish peasant grandmother."

"Humor can inform and break down stigma, which is a huge issue in the military."

"My father could be very witty, even if the humor was always on the darker side of irony."

"She'd also called me brave...unless she was talking to the catfish."

"There is no defense against adverse fortune which is so effectual as an habitual sense of humor."

"President Ford used humor a great deal."

"Did you see me disarm Hermione, Harry?""Only once"said Hermione stung. "I got you loads more then you got me—""I did not only get you once, I got you at least three times—""Well if you're counting the one where you tripped over your own feet and knocked the wand out of my hand—"

"I'm telling you, you really should stick to mating within your species, whatever that is.''I would,' I said, 'but unfortunately, there are no gorgeous, all-powerful, all-knowing gods around here. I'd even settle for a demigod. It's a step down, I know. But alas, there are nothing but low-brained mortals here. And half-brains, like you."

"An alcoholic is someone you don't like, who drinks as much as you do."

"Last night I dreamt that somebody loved me.No hope, no harm; just another false alarm"

"It doesn’t take a hurricane to blow out a birthday candle. Let this be a lesson in love—and cake etiquette."

"Oh, of course,"said Ron, clapping a hand to his forehead. "I forgot we'll be hunting down Voldemort in a mobile library."

"I am not always good and noble. I am the hero of this story, but I have my off moments."

"I don't want tea,"said Clary, with muffled force. "I want to find my mother. And then I want to find out who took her in the first place, and I want to kill them.""Unfortunately,"said Hodge, "we're all out of bitter revenge at the moment, so it's either tea or nothing."

"Networking is like fishing. Just give some beer and a boat and I’ll be in business."

"Be sure to lie to your kids about the benevolent, all-seeing Santa Claus. It will prepare them for an adulthood of believing in God."

"This book was written using 100% recycled words."