#Dad

"My dad instilled in me a great sense of humor. I wasn't bullied at school because my outward attitude was confident, and that helps."

"I’m very close to my dad. He’s about six inches away right now and snoring in my ears."

"My dad has a dry, deadpan sense of humor, and my mom has an unexpected, wacky take on things. They really encouraged laughing at ourselves and the weirdness of situations that come up growing up in politics."

"I'm a huge NASCAR fan, but I'm not a gearhead. I've never been into fixing cars. It's not because I don't like it. I would love to know more. It's just my dad never taught me that stuff because my dad wasn't a mechanic."

"I know that I will never find my father in any other man who comes into my life, because it is a void in my life that can only be filled by him."

"We fell in love like two medium pizzas in one large stomach. I wish dad would have saved a few slices for us."

"I could name my penis Steve, and it would be appropriate, as it is sort of shaped like my dad’s face, whose name is Steve. Not just his face, but his whole body and person is named Steve. And he’s a dick."

"I’m older now than my dad was when he was my age. Wait, that’s not right. That’s not my dad at all, that’s just some stranger hanging around in my memory."

"Every parent is at some time the father of the unreturned prodigal, with nothing to do but keep his house open to hope."

"I've had some amazing people in my life. Look at my father - he came from a small fishing village of five hundred people and at six foot four with giant ears and a kind of very odd expression, thought he could be a movie star. So go figure, you know?"

"People tell me I look like my father. I've never seen my dad, so does that mean I look invisible?"

"My dad was very much a John Wayne kind of guy, but he was also a great guy, great sense of humor, a real dedicated dad. I don't think he ever missed a hockey game I was in."

"My dad told me, 'It takes fifteen years to be an overnight success', and it took me seventeen and a half years."

"I hope I am remembered by my children as a good father."

"Most kids start talking by age two. I didn't say a word until I was twelve. I was just angry and defiant I guess. My first word wasn't "Mom"or "Dad."It was "No."

"More people are leaving TV behind to read my books than ever before. In the last year alone I gained over two readers (three, to be exact). So I’d like to take a moment and say thanks mom, dad, and kidnap victim I keep chained in the basement."

"I have always loved camping, ever since I was eight, and was forcibly stuffed in a trunk and dropped off in the middle of the forest. My dad was a complex man, but I believe he was trying to show me the value of camping."

"When my dad founded our church, he used either a globe or a map of the world behind him. It was symbolic of what Christ said: to go forth and preach hope to the world. We believe in the cross, but we just continued with the globe."

"Just to show my dad that I think he's number one, I bought him a urinal cake for his birthday."

"I love my daddy. My daddy's everything. I hope I can find a man that will treat me as good as my dad."