#humor

"Well, what I don't understand is why people get all dressed up and drive to church so they can sit there and get scolded. Seems to me it'd be a whole lot easier for the to just stay home in their pj's, eat pancakes, and get yelled at over the radion."

"You might not believe this, but there is no one like her at this school.""Oh I believe it,"I said, thinking back to the time Angeline had forgotten her locker's combination and tried to get into it with an axe.No one was really sure where she'd gotten it from."

"All the world is queer save thee and me, and even thou art a little queer."

"A passport, as I'm sure you know, is a document that one shows to government officials whenever one reaches a border between two countries, so that the official can learn who you are, where you were born, and how you look when photographed unflatteringly."

"I stared up at the sky and raised my middle finger, just in case God was watching. I don't like being spied on."

"I’ll convert a school desk into a tricycle, because how else am I supposed to learn to love? It’s not like baseball gloves are very effective oven mitts."

"In politics, stupidity is not a handicap."

"Poetry in a Bottle [10w] If you could bottle poetry you'd have one addictive drink."

"Would you mind repeating that? I'm afraid I might have lost my wits altogether and just hallucinated what I've longed to hear."

"To Do Today, 1/17/081. Sit and think2. Reach enlightenment3. Feed the cats"

"Here's a newsflash from the only High Preistess you have left at this dang school: Zoey isn't dead. And believe me, I know dead. I've been there, done that, and got the frickin' T-shirt."- Stevie Rae"

"Virtual Reality [10w] The only thing better than reality is perfected virtual reality."

"Don't blame me. Tell your mom to move closer. Tell her there's this new club called civilization and you guys should join."

"Laughter is the shortest distance between two people."

"Congratulations!Today is your day.You're off to Great Places!You're off and away!"

"Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door."

"Artemis: "Right, brothers. Onward. Imagine yourself seated at a cafe in Montmartre."Myles: "In Paris."Artemis: "Yes, Paris. And try as you will, you cannot attract the waiter's attention. What do you do?"Beckett: "Umm...tell Butler to jump-jump-jump on his head?"Myles: "I agree with simple-toon."Artemis: "No! You simply raise one finger and say clearly 'ici, garcon.'"Beckett: "Itchy what?"

"I am Dead, but it's not so bad. I've learned to live with it."

"In order to grow, I promise you'll have to let go of some habits. 10 times out of 10, they'll be the habits you're most in love with."

"You have something on your neck. What Looks like a bite mark, what were you doing out all night, anyway? Nothing. I went walking in the park. Tried to clear my head. And ran into a vampire What? No! I fell. On your neck?"