#humor

"A leap of faith doesn’t involve leg strength. Still, I can’t take any chances, so I’ve been doing squats."

"Love and Death [10w] A person who lives without love chooses death by default."

"Boasting vs. Toasting [10w] + {Couplet} What many call boasting to my success I call toasting."

"I want to be so successful that my secretary needs a secretary."

"Times are bad. Children no longer obey their parents, and everyone is writing a book."

"Do I own my soul, or would two of my clones?"

"Not only am I thinking about getting a nose job, but I’m also trying to get employment for the rest of my face."

"Name the different kinds of people,’ said Miss Lupescu. ‘Now.’Bod thought for a moment. ‘The living,’ he said. ‘Er. The dead.’ He stopped. Then, ‘... Cats?’ he offered, uncertainly."

"I have church on Sunday.”“Of course you do.”“You’re welcome to come along.”“Thanks, but I’m allergic to incense.”“That’s a shame.”“It’s the bane of my existence.”- Beth and Jake"

"I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that."

"Love's War [10w] In love's war there aren't winners and losers ~just casualties."

"Networking isn’t synonymous with partying. If you’re doing it right, partying seems libraryesque in comparison."

"Poets Hate Poets [10w] Poets hate poets who are more talented than they are."

"No, I really did. I walked into that room and saw the hottest, sexiest guy I've ever seen - wet and half naked. And I said, "Ewww."I know. How am I still single, right?"

"So,"he called to her back, "Just out of curiosity, you know, purely conversation and all, at what age will you be entertaining offers of marriage?""You think it'll be so easy?"she called back over her shoulder. "No way. There will be tasks. Like in a fairy tale.""Sounds dangerous.""Very, so think twice.""No need,"he said. "You're worth it."

"What is Hate? [10w] Hate is merely love hiding behind the mask of envy."

"Oh, don't mind me,"came an extremely sarcastic voice near the wall. “You two go ahead and make out–I'll just sit here and bleed quietly."

"I like to write when I feel spiteful. It is like having a good sneeze."(Letter to Cynthia Asquith, November 1913)"

"Ageing [10w] There's no such thing as age -- only degrees of opacity."

"It is happy for you that you possess the talent of flattering with delicacy. May I ask whether these pleasing attentions proceed from the impulse of the moment, or are they the result of previous study?"