#humor

"Pietrisycamollaviadelrechiotemexity."

"Valentine's Day 1 [10w] Valentine's Day affirms the promise that love can be sustained."

"Leo: I'm almost out of gas! Woah, that came out wrong. I meant the burning kind!"

"It doesn’t take a hurricane to blow out a birthday candle. Let this be a lesson in love—and cake etiquette."

"Do I look stupid?"snarled Uncle Vernon, a bit of fried egg dangling from his bushy mustache."

"Hmm…” Jason snapped his fingers. “I can call a friend for a ride.”Percy raised his eyebrows. “Oh, yeah? Me too. Let's see whose friend gets here first."

"God knows I had not wanted to fall in love with her. I had not wanted to fall in love with any one. But God knows I had and I lay on the bed in the room of the hospital in Milan and all sorts of things went through my head but I felt wonderful..."

"Women should have nipples on their butts. From a design perspective, I think it would revolutionize the fashion industry."

"Nevada Haiku 'Happens in Vegasstays in Vegas', long as youpay hos to shut up."

"We must make love to find out how it’s made. I don’t know what the ingredients are, but I think we can make a batch or two by morning."

"If there’s gold in it, then the mine is mine. And if there’s no coffee in it, then the cup is yours."

"My kitchen sink has no truck attached. My love needs a waterproof suitcase in these Days of Desert and Dessert. Who are you going to come running to when the Ice Cream Man melts?"

"May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house."

"Networking is drinking the nectar of interconnectedness. And I’ve been drinking since noon, so I may need @ryanlilly to drive me home."

"From the Slobodan Milošević interview during the the Hague Tribunal : 'What are your hobbies?' [10w] "I enjoy gardening because weeding reminds me of ethnic cleansing."

"A dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it."

"The true New Yorker secretly believes that people living anywhere else have to be, in some sense, kidding."

"Telling an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell."

"I had no desire to hear another woman tell my boyfriend how hot he was. If I wanted him to know, I'd damn well tell him myself."

"Let Others Speak [10w] When others speak of your virtues they grow tenfold."