#humor

"Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car."

"Wheels of Change Discontentment is the wheels of change.You can either add some grease to bring about change faster,or run in front of them in protest,and be crushed by them."

"Do you answer a question directly?""Hard to say. Ah, there, I've done it again"

"There are moments, Jeeves, when one asks oneself, 'Do trousers matter?'""The mood will pass, sir."

"Why are you worrying about YOU-KNOW-WHO, when you should be worrying about YOU-NO-POO? The constipation sensation that's gripping the nation!"

"Love means never having to say you’re sorry for a minor stab wound."

"Now what happens?"asked the man in black. "We face each other as God intended,"Fezzik said. "No tricks, no weapons, skill against skill alone.""You mean you'll put down your rock and I'll put down my sword and we'll try to kill each other like civilized people, is that it?"

"If you love something set it free, but don't be surprised if it comes back with herpes."

"Madness [10w] Madness isn't an objective state,it is a cultural bias."

"Relatively Speaking [10w] The irony about 'relativism theories' is that they're relative too."

"As far as I can tell, there are two basic (kissing) rules: 1. Don't bite anything without permission. 2. The human tongue is like wasabi: it's very powerful, and should be used sparingly."

"She brews a bruise on my heart, and drinks it like a beer. She calls it love, but she would, because she’s drunk on my torment."

"I feel like getting married, or committing suicide, or subscribing to L'Illustration. Something desperate, you know."

"See? This is why I'm not religious. I couldn't possibly keep my mouth shut long enough to get along with everyone else."

"Grease [10w] Relationships between people are rarely frictionless;they all need grease."

"Politicians [10w] All politicians serve two masters ~their ambition and their cocks."

"Stop!"Narcissus got to his feet. "This is not right! This person is obviously not awesome, so he must be..."He struggled for the right words. It had probably been a long time since he'd talked about anything other than himself. "He must be tricking us."Apparently Narcissus wasn't completely stupid."

"The train is roaring toward you and the villain is twirling his moustache and you're fussing that he's tied you to the tracks with the wrong kind of rope."

"Goat Fucking for Dummies You gently fuck a female goat ~you got to ram the malesto make any progress."

"It’s absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food."