#humor

"There are hardly any excesses of the most crazed psychopath that cannot easily be duplicated by a normal kindly family man who just comes in to work every day and has a job to do."

"I got arrested for driving naked. I guess I shouldn’t have put four wheels, an engine, and a steering wheel on my bathtub. I’m a do-it-yourself kind of lover."

"You might not believe this, but there is no one like her at this school.""Oh I believe it,"I said, thinking back to the time Angeline had forgotten her locker's combination and tried to get into it with an axe.No one was really sure where she'd gotten it from."

"I’ve had a tense couple of days. And I’ve got to tell you, burning someone’s face off sounds like a great way to relax."

"I’d fight for your love like I’m Tyler Durden. I want you to hit on me as hard as you can."

"Godshawk looked surprised, the way that people generally do when you ask them philosophical questions in shrubberies in the middle of the night."

"I've never stunned anyone except in our D.A. lessons,"said Luna, sounding mildly interested. "That was noisier than I thought it would be."

"Enjoy every ounce of your life, get high and be sincere to anybody that comes around you."

"Either get out of bed or else take your clothes off,"he said. "I'm not in the mood to compromise."

"Sure,” she said, and hugged the laptop bag closer. “What could go wrong?”Michael’s eyes flashed to meet hers in the rearview mirror.Besides everything, I mean,” she said."

"Poets Job Description [10w] Poets console the soul with words and eyes with images."

"I’ll make Goyle do lines, it’ll kill him, he hates writing,” said Ron happily. He lowered his voice to Goyle’s low grunt and, screwing up his face in a look of pained concentration, mimed writing in midair. “I... must... not... look... like... a... baboon’s... backside."

"Well, I’m not kissing the mundane,"said Jace. "I’d rather stay down here and rot.""Forever?"said Simon. "Forever’s an awfully long time."Jace raised his eyebrows. "I knew it,"he said. "You want to kiss me, don’t you?"

"I got a new car. I just need to put it together. They’re easier to steal piece by piece."

"Life Imprisonment with No Possibility of Parole [10w] "The needle is preferable to three hots and a cot."

"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."

"DON'T THINK OF IT AS DYING, said Death. JUST THINK OF IT AS LEAVING EARLY TO AVOID THE RUSH."

"Dev-"Come in peace or leave in pieces"

"On savings: A dollar here, a dollar there. Over time, it adds up to two dollars."

"The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also."