#humor

"Rewrite☷Rewrite [10w] Happiness writes new memories;New losses rewrite over old ones."

"But with dogs, we do have "bad dog."Bad dog exists. "Bad dog! Bad dog! Stole a biscuit, bad dog!"The dog is saying, "Who are you to judge me? You human beings who’ve had genocide, war against people of different creeds, colors, religions, and I stole a biscuit?! Is that a crime? People of the world!""Well, if you put it that way, I think you’ve got a point. Have another biscuit, sorry."

"Kenji snorts.“That’s because you’re not fragile,” Kenji says. “If anything, everyone needs to protect themselves from you. You’re like a freaking beast,” he says. Then adds, “I mean, you know—like, a cute beast. A little beast that tears shit up and breaks the earth and sucks the life out of people."

"Want vs. What's Coming to You As the Rolling Stones say,You can't always get what you want ~but God will always give you what's coming to you."

"Wait.” Stefan’s voice was hard suddenly. Bonnie and Elena turned back and froze, embracing each other, trembling. “What is your—your father—going to do to you when he finds out that you allowed this?”"He will not kill me,” Sage said brusquely, the wild tone back in his voice. “He may even find it as amusant as I do, and we will be sharing a belly laugh tomorrow."

"Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."

"With a palindrome of a name, like Bob, I’d be both right thinking and dyslexic. Would you love me more as a Bob, or as a Bob?"

"Only a true best friend can protect you from your immortal enemies."

"How they Measure Self-Worth in Fort Worth: Actual Texas Hooker Quote (the irony is priceless!) "Quit fucking acting like y'alls have me all figured outand don't you ever, EVER, lump me into the category of your trashy hooker girlfriend who charges $100/hr. for full service. Shit, I charge $200 minimum now ~because after the year of being at the bottom I know my self worth."

"All the world is queer save thee and me, and even thou art a little queer."

"George Bush isn't Hitler. He could be if he applied himself."

"Never doubt my weaseling abilities, Shadowhunter, for they are epic and memorable in their scope."

"I didn't know a van could go up on two wheels like that, for so long."-Nudge"

"That woman doesn't have the sense God gave a retarded flea."

"A raisin on the ground is full of hope that if it just keeps aging, it will turn into wine and get drunk on its wrinkly self."

"Let me ask you a question Alex. What do you think is the greatest evil on this plant today?""Is that including, or not including you?"

"It's okay to be a loser, it just depends on how good you are at being one."

"Everything will turn out right, the world is built on that."

"Civilization is vastly overrated."

"Valentine's Day 1 [10w] Valentine's Day affirms the promise that love can be sustained."