#humor

"You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely."

"You're such a pain in the ass. (Butch) Said the SIG to the Glock. (V)"

"Why do people always expect authors to answer questions? I am an author because I want to ask questions. If I had answers, I'd be a politician."

"Love burns. Whiskey burns. George Burns. What do all three have in common? They’re all dead to me."

"It’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then."

"There's nothing more contagious than the laughter of young children; it doesn't even have to matter what they're laughing about."

"Promise me, Amelie, that you’ll crucify me with silver before you allow me to fall in love.”“I hardly think there’s any chance of that,” Amelie said. "I doubt you have the capacity."

"Storm [10w] Clouds darken to X-rays revealingthe tumorous thunder resounding within."

"If my favorite three letters are X, Z, and Q, then my favorite word is Xazaqazax. It means “a lover of love."

"Sometimes I think books are the only friends worth having."

"I am approximately 96.694444% in love with you. Of course, that’s just a rough estimate."

"Telling an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell."

"During my darkest hour, life threw me some curves. Thankfully they were in the shape of a woman’s body."

"When the clock reads 3:00, I don’t call it three o’clock, I call it three hundred, and I remember the Spartans. At 3:01, however, I remember what I was doing at 2:59, and I get back to it."

"A crate full of discreet would appear to be empty. But it’s not. It’s full of my love for you."

"I make furniture that can be used as weapons. The most dangerous piece of furniture is the Loveseat."

"Comparing penis sizes is a much more nuanced and sophisticated way to determine who’s right than something as clunky and uncouth as a debate."

"They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit,"Valkyrie said. China glanced at her. "They've obviously never met me."

"It's about time! It's supposed to be a ritual, not a marathon."

"I'm very polite by nature, even the voices in my head let each other finish their sentences."