#humor

"What's in a name, anyway? That which we call a nose by any other name would still smell."

"I was trying to decide if you still had free will as a wolf. If I was a terrible person for planning to drug my girlfriend and drag her back to my house to keep in the basement."

"Who, last time I'd checked, was still on our official archenemy list. (Yes, we have to keep a list. It's kind of sad.)"

"Love means never having to say you’re sorry for a minor stab wound."

"Love is like a portable lamp/sex toy. The world calls those flashlights, but I’m much more romantic."

"A tornado is the ultimate coffee grinder. Just add water, and you’ll wake the whole trailer park."

"She has a body for years, and I have an astronaut tan. When we make love it will be like (x + 2)(2x -1) = 0, solve for x."

"My heart is locked away in a cage surrounded by ribs. That’s to protect it, and to keep the world safe. It’s currently serving a life sentence."

"You’re disoriented. You just woke up. You’re in the future. You’ve been asleep for eight hours."

"There’s nothing more important than literary merit, and that’s why I not only created an award—the Julius Caesar Author of the Year Award—but I nominated myself as the first recipient. You can’t always wait for success to come to you. Sometimes you just have to create it out of nothingness. Just ask the Federal Reserve."

"Dsylıxǝa Hey, it isn't cool to make fun of people with Dsʎlıxǝaʎou dɯub pircʞ ¡!¡"

"But what about the End of the Universe? We'll miss the big moment."I've seen it. It's rubbish,"said Zaphod,"nothing but a gnab gib."A what?"Opposite of a big bang. Come on, let's get zappy."

"Fate,"Blue replied, glowering at her mother, "is a very weighty word to throw around before breakfast."

"Is there any point to which you would wish to draw my attention?' 'To the curious incident of the dog in the night-time.' 'The dog did nothing in the night-time.''That was the curious incident,' remarked Sherlock Holmes."

"I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it."

"I would so hate to be a first-person character! Always on your guard, always having people read your thoughts!"

"Anthony looked down at his evil clutches -- hands, he reminded himself, hands -- and grinned anew."

"The French have a new president, the British will soon have a new P.M., and we envy them as we endure the endless wait for this small dim man to go back to Texas and resume his life."

"You rush a miracle worker, you get lousy miracles!"

"Hotel hallways should have conveyer belts for floors, so I can feel like a grocery item on vacation. I guess I’m just a romantic."