#humor

"Humor is mankind's greatest blessing."

"It's okay to be a loser, it just depends on how good you are at being one."

"Depression vs. Death Depression is anger turned within causing misery and hopelessness.Death is hate turned within until it totally eats you alive."

"33 old people went into a nursing home, and only 34 people came out alive. One old woman died while giving birth to twins."

"One Size Fits All Life Strategy Smile first.Ask questions later."

"Jehovah's Witness are welcomed into my home...You gotta respect anybody who gets all dressed up in Sunday clothes and goes door-to-door on days so hot their high heels sink a half-inch into the pavement.The trick is to do all the talking yourself. Pretty soon, they'll look at their watches and say, 'Speaking of end times, wouldja look at what time it is now!"

"Where I come from, we're more about efficiency,' he replies. 'A knife like this'll skewer food, smear butter, and slit throats all at the same time."

"I’m half chameleon, half camouflage, and wholly in love with you, though you’d never be able to see it."

"Now,"said Brandons low, cold voice. "Lets not be rude eve."

"i told you he'd freak out, she siad. didn't i?ah, the i told you so, jace said. always a classy move"

"Marry me, he says. I got all my own teeth, I wash twice a year an I'll cut you in fer half the business here."

"It’s absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food."

"Nothing travels faster than the speed of light, with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws."

"But with dogs, we do have "bad dog."Bad dog exists. "Bad dog! Bad dog! Stole a biscuit, bad dog!"The dog is saying, "Who are you to judge me? You human beings who’ve had genocide, war against people of different creeds, colors, religions, and I stole a biscuit?! Is that a crime? People of the world!""Well, if you put it that way, I think you’ve got a point. Have another biscuit, sorry."

"NO PDA,school rules. And besides she's my partner dickhead."said Alex."

"That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment."

"A windmill has arms, but does not hug. Where’s the love?"

"To be is to do - SocratesTo do is to be - SartreDo Be Do Be Do - Sinatra"

"A fridge will keep your steaks fresh, but keeping a live cow in grandmother’s room will keep the meat fresher. Let this be a lesson in love."

"She craved a tall glass of the fresh-squeezed lemonade from the pitcher she’d left chilling in the fridge. Two glasses served with a generous slice of pound cake with orange glaze icing sounded twice as nice."