"She said this in the same way you might say Fields of Punishment or Hades's gym shorts."
#humor
4537 quotes about humor
Discover inspiring humor quotes from famous authors and thought leaders. Find wisdom and motivation about humor to inspire your life.
humor Quotes
"He specialized in the murder of dreams, Hazel Grace..."
"Speak in French when you can’t think of the English for a thing--turn your toes out when you walk---And remember who you are!"
"Number of empty Ben & Jerry's containers: 3 -- two mint chocolate cookie, one plain vanilla. (Who buys plain vanilla ice cream from Ben & Jerry's, anyway? Is there a greater waste?)"
"Mirrors should think longer before they reflect."
"The most enjoyable book in the world is the phone book, because think of all the sex that went into creating the content."
"I want to read the employment section of the Bible. I think it’s simply called Job."
"You’re disoriented. You just woke up. You’re in the future. You’ve been asleep for eight hours."
"The morning always has a way of creeping up on me and peeking in my bedroom windows. The sunrise is such a pervert."
"Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door."
"Writing is like getting married. One should never commit oneself until one is amazed at one's luck."
"You've got no sense of humor.""I'm going to laugh really hard after I kick your ass."
"How do you feel right now?""I hurt like hell.""You'll feel worse tomorrow.""So?""So, better get a jump on this while you still feel...not as bad.""What kind of logic is that?"I retorted."
"The whole image is that eternal suffering awaits anyone who questions God's infinite love. That's the message we're brought up with, isn't it? Believe or die! Thank you, forgiving Lord, for all those options."
"I'm about to get my grind on. My coffee grind. Like a true hustler."
"I told the joke, but someone else got the high five. That’s like me drinking a cup of coffee and a guy in a coma waking up. Go back to bed, buddy."
"Could it have been anyone, or was it destiny? When I'm considering this I find it helpful to quote the wisdom of my father, who once told me, "Who knows why the fuck anything happens?"
"Other than the voices in my head, I think I’m pretty normal."
"And so the dentist says 'Rinse.' So you lean over, and you're lookin' at this miniature toilet bowl."
"Times are bad. Children no longer obey their parents, and everyone is writing a book."