#humor

"The older I grow, the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom."

"Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like."

"It’s 4:00 in the afternoon and I’m just now putting on clothes. The life of a writer is as free as the pizza I just had delivered is not."

"I realize that humor isn't for everyone. It's only for people who want to have fun, enjoy life, and feel alive."

"The train is roaring toward you and the villain is twirling his moustache and you're fussing that he's tied you to the tracks with the wrong kind of rope."

"A literary academic can no more pass a bookstore than an alcoholic can pass a bar."

"Infinite Promise The carrot of infinite promise always dangles just inches beyond our noses.The trick is to surreptitiously switch that carrot for a zucchini."

"Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy."

"She led the way. Eyeless sockets of the dead seemed to stare at them as they passed. "These are cool,"Dan decided. "Maybe I could-""No, Dan,"Amy said. "You can't collect human bones.""Awww."

"What are you grinning at?"Katsa demanded for the third or fourth time. "Is the ceiling about to cave in on my head or something? You look like we're both on the verge of an enormous joke.""Katsa, only you would consider the collapse of the ceiling a good joke."

"Basically, I have two speeds.... Hostile or smart-aleck. Your choice."

"In and Out [10w] Our infant blanket in the externalization of our mother's womb.ღ ♛ ღ ♛ ღ ♛ ღ ♛ ღ Intruth, we should be married under,sling our newborn babiesinand after deathbe shrouded in the same infant blanketwe were taken home from the hospital in."

"Lost vs. Lost We get lost twice in life.The first stems from uncertainty,when we try to find what our dreams truly are.The more profound feeling of being lost is existential, and comes unforeseen, after we finally fulfill our dreams.To survive the latter, we must create an entirely new set of dreams."

"Ars Poetica: Dovetailing Collage [10w] Poems should be a dovetailing collage not a linear cohesion."

"You're still here. No beer. I'm not corrupting a minor.""But you're a minor,"she pointed out. "At least for beer.""Yeah, and by the way, how much does it suck that I'm an adult if I kill somebody, and I'm not if I want a beer?"

"Well, what I don't understand is why people get all dressed up and drive to church so they can sit there and get scolded. Seems to me it'd be a whole lot easier for the to just stay home in their pj's, eat pancakes, and get yelled at over the radion."

"If we're going to the Silent City, you might want to get dressed. I mean, I appreciate the bra-and-panties look, but I don't know if the Silent Brothers will. There are only a few of the left, and I don't want them to die of excitement."

"I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I"in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an "I"in independence, individuality and integrity."

"I would pour you a glass of wine, but wouldn’t it be more romantic if you sipped it out of my armpit?"

"Pale Oak Leaves Scatter Pale oak leaves scatteraround my father's grave."For this I pay $30/month maintenance?"